Sing...as though...no one is listening!

This is a true story. Our recent trip to Udupi was coming to a close. On the way back to Bangalore, we stopped at Chikkamagaluru, at a prominent hotel.

The evening, we checked in, I knew there was something dicey with the bathroom lock. I struggled. Somehow, it unlocked, this time around. “You just have to press the button at the top. It opens easily!” my wife explained. The topic was closed for the day.

The next morning, I had to take a shower. My wife was all ready and stepped out of the hotel room. “I will join you in 10 minutes!” I told her. Who carries a cellphone to the bathroom, right? The last thing you want is some silly accident where the cellphone slips from hand and falls into the toilet. I left the cellphone outside.

Just above the bathroom shower, a catchy line caught my attention. It said- “Sing as though no one is listening!” You know how hotels and resorts advertise these days. How to be in nature’s lap, and allow your body, mind and soul to rejuvenate.  “Sing it seems!” I chuckled to myself and took a shower. That done, with the hair dripping with water, wrapped in a towel, I was about to step out of the bathroom.

I pressed the lock button. It did not open. I pressed it once, twice, thrice. It stayed stubborn. I twirled it, I punched it, and finally yanked it with brute strength. It was a bad choice. The lock got disturbed from the base and was now rotating in full, like that scary head in “Exorcist”. I banged the door a few times. No response.

Where did my wife go? How long is she going to take- 10 minutes, 20 minutes…before she realizes something is amiss? There was anger, there was helplessness, there was fear, there was a lot more.

“Sing as though no one is listening” was not an amusing tagline anymore. How do you bide your time? Maybe, bad singing will attract attention- either human or divine, to bail me out.

The song had to be finalized. What should I sing? “Jana gana”?  Obviously, you cannot sing the anthem in the bathroom. “Happy birthday to you!” flashed as the second choice. I castigated my mind for enumerating such ridiculous choices. How about some Hindi film song? I was reminded of Kamal Haasan in Ek-duuje-ke-liye, locked inside a lift and singing. “Wah! Wah! Mere jeevan saathi…pyaar kiye jaa! Jawaani diwaani...”- seemed a topical song. The song was more screaming…and less music. Just my type. But my mind protested, “At this age, will you sing this song?” 

Other choices had to be explored. “How about that racy song by Usha Uthup from yesteryears- Hari Om Hari…Hari Om Hari…ooo…ooo?”  The song had no elaborate lyrics, just this refrain, sung in different octaves. Who knows? Like the Gajendra moksha tale, Hari's name could invite divine intervention too!  I could not narrow down. “Why don’t you try classical?” my mind questioned. “Classical? You mean…Carnatic music? That kind?” I mentally scanned through what could be sung. Maybe, that popular varnam, “Ninnu-kori” in Mohana raaga? That seemed a reasonable choice. I closed my eyes, cleared my throat and in all seriousness, fixed the pitch- “sa….pa…..sa”!

My rumination was cut short. There was a knock on the bathroom door. It was my wife. “What are you doing? What’s taking you so much time?”

The mind is a funny fellow. He wanted to sing and felt a mild irritation, now that his singing was interrupted. “Help! Help! Let me out! I got locked!” I blabbered. Thankfully, the bathroom door could be unlocked from outside.

It was a harrowing experience. What if someone traveled single and got locked? What if the hotel had no housekeeping staff to clean the room each day? Could someone stay in the bathroom for days on end, with no hope in hell of getting out?

“Sing as though no one is listening” made perfect sense. There is no one listening. You can keep singing and singing and singing…till the cows come home!

 

 

Speed breakers!

During our recent road-trip to Udupi, I was suddenly jolted out of sleep. “Have we hit the ghat-section already? We are going uphill, aren’t we?” I blabbered incoherently, still drowsy. “No! Not yet! That was just a speed breaker!” our driver, Murthy saar replied.

On some of these highways, it does feel there is less road and lot more breakers. It’s like a game of snake-and-ladders. In a couple of squares, there’s always one enormous snake, waiting to gobble you! There is no escape.

There are small waves and big waves in the ocean. And then, there are tsunamis. So too, in the speed breaker world- there are small breakers, big ones and some so monstrous, that the under-belly of the car registers the breaker-signature, each time it rides over it.

We are told, some foreign-brand cars do not sell in India because “their suspension is too low”. They are just not equipped to negotiate our breakers. It’s like asking that caterpillar-like dog, the Dachshund, to do a pole vault! It is surely a tall order!

Riding over speed-breakers is the ultimate test for a driver. It requires tact and anticipation. If the car is too fast, it can break the back or neck of many an unwary passenger. In addition, a car at speed, can tee-off the speed-breaker, like a plane at take-off. It will be too scary.  

To compensate for the excess speed, you slow down the car to the minimum. And now, the result is the opposite. After climbing the incline of the bump, the car is too slow and stalls midway through the ascent. It slides right back from the bump and comes to a halt. It’s like that reluctant racehorse that finds the obstacle too steep, changes its mind, and stubbornly, refuses to go any further!

In some cases, in addition to the speed-breaker, “obstruction boards” are laid out like a turn-style; with fences arranged in an “S-shaped pattern”. And now, in addition to the vertical jostling, the car is rattled side-ways too. It is a harrowing experience.

A speed breaker with no visible markers, (which is often the case), can be lethal, especially at night.  The slope merges with the rest of the road. Like that mountain “Mainaaka parvata”, that suddenly rose up from the ocean floor and stopped a flying Hanuman midway through his tracks, this speed-breaker catches you totally unawares.

The passengers hit the car-ceiling and are quick to blame the driver, “Can’t you slow down the car to negotiate the bump? Is that too much to ask?” Poor driver! What can he say?

The worst speed-breaker is the “multiple-camel-ride”. Here, multiple speed-breakers are laid out back-to-back. You go over one-hump, descend, go over the second hump, descend, and so on. This pattern repeats as many as five times over. By now, if you have not swallowed a tablet for headache and motion-sickness, you will surely need one.

In India, we look for escape routes all the time. In some cases, the speed-breaker has not been laid out in full- a little carelessness in the execution, you can say.  There’s a tiny patch towards the edge of the road, where the speed-breaker does not extend. This loophole is sufficient. The cars approach the breaker at top-speed and suddenly veer to the open patch, adding chaos, commotion and surely…a lot more danger too.

A close cousin to our speed-breaker is the “wake up zone” on the US highways, designed to keep the car passengers awake. These are not bumps. Rather, an opposite technique is used. The road is scratched, leaving fissures on the surface, like a ploughed field. The car registers a vibration that shakes you up, like sitting atop a drilling machine.

“Do we need such wake-up zones?” I asked. Murthy saar was very clear, “We do not need “wake-up zones” in India at all. We are all wide-awake…all the time…thanks to our roads!”

 

 

The Belur Chennakeshava temple- magic in stone!

There are temples and temples in South India- each one more awe-inspiring than the other! In that list, the Chennakeshava Temple at Belur will stand tall...rubbing shoulders with the very best! This morning, we visited the temple.

The guide at the temple, Mr Nagaraju,  began his exposition with the phrase- "You have come to Kalaa-saagara". Art here, is like the ocean- It is vast, it is extensive,  it has no boundary. Also, like the ocean, it is deep and simply unfathomable!

I am writing from memory, based on the guide's account to us.

The temple at a glance!

The temple was built in the year 1117 (an easy date to remember)! It was built by the Hoysala kings. Pointing to a sculpture of a man with a sword, battling a lion, the guide explained, "The boy's name was "sala". "Hoy" was a call to kill the lion. Thus, came the name Hoysala and an entire dynasty, the Hoysala kings, who ruled for 400 years.

Hoy-sala!

This is the Chenna-Keshava temple, about an hour from Chikmagalur in Karnataka. "Chenna" means beautiful. Keshava is of course, Lord Vishnu. Chennakeshava is Lord Vishnu in the form of a lady- Mohini. Vishnu took this form to vanquish "Bhasmaasura". The asura was tricked into touching his own head, and thereby met his destruction, by Mohini! 

This is a functional temple (unlike Halebeedu, which is 14 km away). The deity is always dressed as a lady. Lord Vishnu is mohini, the one who captivates and mesmerizes everyone. Lord Vishnu took this Mohini form at Belur, and hence the significance of this particular form here.

It took 103 years to build the temple- spread over 3 generations of kings. The pioneer was King Vishnuvardhana. His earlier name was "Bitti-deva". He was an adherent of the Jaina religion. He became a Vishnu bhakta inspired by Saint Ramanuja.

At the entrance to the temple, we find a frieze where King Vishnuvardhana is seated at the center, his wife Shaantala by his side, and with Saint Ramanuja in the foreground.

King Vishnuvardhana, Queen Shaantala and Saint Ramanuja

Hoysala temples are spread over this entire region. 3 prominent ones from this dynasty are- this temple at Belur,  another at Halebeedu and yet another at Somanathapura, close to Mysore. While the Belur temple is dedicated to Lord Vishnu,  the Halebeedu Temple features Lord Shiva. The Halebeedu temple came under attack from Mallik Kafur (Khilji sultanate in Delhi) around the year 1311. Hence, it is not a functional temple anymore.

No such problem with the Belur temple, the guide says. It has been a functional temple all along.

Though the Belur temple was built in 1117, during the time of the Vijayanagara empire, which was about 500 years ago, a gopuram was built for this temple. We enter the Chennakeshava temple premises through this gopuram. The guide mentions- "Look at the horns at the top of the temple tower. It's shaped like a cow- "go". Hence, the term 'gopuram'!"

Gopuram built during Vijayanagara time

The chief architect of this temple was the legendary sculptor "jakanachari" and his son "Dankanacharya". The temple is built in the shape of a star. The pedestal is star-shaped, the main-temple structure seated on top of the pedestal is also star-shaped. The stone used for this temple is "soapstone"- that allows for intricate carving. The principal deity of the Hoysalas was Lord Narasimha. He is seen right at the entrance to the temple.

Makara thorana with Narasimha at the temple entrance
"Makara" seen in the pic (partially, towards the end of the pic) is a mythical creature.
It has the body of a pig, legs of a lion, wings like a peacock, eyes like a monkey, ears like a cow, trunk like an elephant and mouth like a crocodile! 7 animals join to form this "makara" creature! (All this detail is from our guide!)

One of the main attractions at this temple are the dancers and apsaras, striking various poses, delineated with mesmerizing details. We have heard about some of these masterpieces- especially the darpana-sundari....where the lady admires herself glancing into a mirror. Several such pieces adorn the top of the temple; each pose...out-beating the other. These pieces are held in place using "the pivot and joint" technique, the guide explains.

As you go around the temple, the first half of the temple wall is filled with terrestrial themes like the various dance poses. But closer to the garbha-griha, the walls of the temple have themes centered on Lord Vishnu and Shiva. The term "masterpiece" loses meaning as we admire these sculptures. Sculptures of Vishnu and Shiva are scattered all over- as though an entire sack...full of gems was carelessly emptied! There's Shiva as "Gaja-samhaara-murti" with 16 hands. There's Ravana with 10 heads lifting Mount Kailas, and atop the mountain, Shiva and Parvati are seated. We see Arjuna striking the eye of the fish during Draupadi's swayamvara, Lord Brahma is seen with 4 heads and Narasimha gouging out the entrails of Hiranyakashipu! It is a riot- a veritable poetry in stone!

Shiva and his various forms!

Ravana lifting Kailash

Lord Brahma

Lord Narasimha

The lower portion of the outer wall has 3 layers- the first layer is filled with a ribbon of elephants in various postures signifying "strength". Above that is a row of lions, symbolizing "courage" and over that, a row of horses signifying "speed". Thus, "strength", "courage" and "speed", together formed the motto of the Hoysala kings!

Strength, Courage, Speed!

The guide fills in with all kinds of details- how women wore patterned dresses back then, even bermuda shorts as well as sported various types of hair-do- "sadhana cut", "bob cut", "pony tail" and "hair in a curl"  

Women also hunted, as seen in one sculpture.  They had attendants and pet dogs back then too!

Hunting woman!

Once inside the temple, the focus shifts. The main idol is 9 feet tall and imposing. The dwara-paalakas- Jaya and Vijaya arrest your attention. There are pillars all over- each pillar is distinct and different from the other. There are circular pillars, lotus-petalled pillars and even a pillar where the "highlights of the entire temple are summarized in miniature!"

Pillar with temple summary in miniature

The ceiling is breathtaking. It is shaped like a wheel. At the center hangs a single-stone (the hub of a wheel) with Lord Narasimha at the hub-base. The hub itself is shaped like a linga and hence it is Lord Shiva. And Brahma too, is seen on the side. Below this wheel (which is on the ceiling) is the dance floor. The dance floor is just outside the main idol. It is here that Queen Shaantala danced. She was an exponent in Bharatanaatyam, the guide mentions. A sculpture dedicated to this queen is also seen on one of the pillars beside the dance floor.

The ceiling

Queen Shaantala

Outside the main star-shaped temple, there are other attractions. There's a stone-obelisk standing on 3 legs (the guide says), which was installed 500 years ago, during the Vijayanagara period. There's an adjoining structure that looks similar to the main one. The guide says that's the "trial temple" before the main one was constructed. At the back of the main temple, Sri-devi and Bhu-Devi have separate structures. 

By this time, we have run out of adjectives. It seems pointless to express admiration anymore through "oo" and "ah" and "wow"! 

As we take leave of the guide, he ends just the way he started- this is "kalaa-saagara". 

Indeed! There is no other way of describing this place.

One of the many forms of Vishnu on the temple wall

Think like a tiger!

About a week ago, a friend of mine forwarded a video footage that was going viral. At the Bannerghatta safari park, a leopard is seen circling a tourist vehicle.  At one point, the leopard stands on its hind legs, raises its entire body and rests its forelimbs on the window. Next, it tries to insert its face into the bus. Just one tiny hop, and the leopard would have been right inside. The bus starts at this point. The leopard is distracted and leaves the vehicle. The video ends.

My friend expected a reaction from me. I did respond- with a big smiley emoji and the words- “See! I told you so!” There was a particular reason my friend sent this video. It goes back to an incident that happened about 12 years ago.

We were at Kabini with friends and family. We were about to go on a jungle safari. The vehicle arrived. Except for the section where the driver was seated that had covered windows, the rest of the vehicle was entirely open to the elements. No glass on the windows, no grill, nothing. It was designed to give a "full and unobstructed view."

The forest ranger announced, “We are going deep into the jungle to see some tigers!”  “What? In this vehicle? We are going into the jungle? And we are going to see…tigers? What if the tiger pounces on us? We will be sitting ducks then!” I protested, totally alarmed. The forest ranger replied, “Sir! Sir! There are no ducks. Only tigers! I have been conducting this trip for 25 years. Nothing has happened. I am there, no? Tigers will not do anything! I assure you! Tigers are the most beautiful creatures. If you leave them alone, they will leave you alone!”

“Sir, how can you answer for the tiger? Are you the tiger? For 25 years, nothing has happened. That is ok. But…but...something can happen, this one time! May be, the tiger got suddenly hungry. Who knows? It is so risky!”

The forest ranger replied, “Sir! There is risk everywhere, even when you are walking on the footpath! Anything can happen…at any time…to anyone!”

“For heaven’s sake, we are going into the tiger’s territory! How can the vehicle, not have a grill for the windows? It is a wild animal after all!” I asked. The forest ranger wasn’t going to back off so easily. “Sir, do you know the wildest animal on this planet? It is man! It is man! A tiger will kill only for food. A man can kill for a few paise! You want a grill for the windows? Ok. It may help you against the tiger. But then, what will you do if a wild elephant charges? A grill will be totally useless! It can topple the entire vehicle! What will you do then?”

The argument was going nowhere. Leave alone the tigers, there was now the wild elephant also to be factored! “Come on sir! Hop onto the vehicle! We are getting late! We will see some beautiful tigers, sir!”

Eventually, I took a hard decision. We will not go. The rest of the families, if they wished, could go on the jungle tour. I was certain they will spot some crows, some sparrows, some buffaloes, or maximum, a lonesome deer. Later in the day, the forest ranger gushed, “You missed it sir! You missed it! We saw a beautiful tiger, that too, at touching distance! At touching distance sir!”  Needless to say, there was a mutiny in the ranks and a riot within the family.

I am glad we are so fond of tigers. I am waiting for someone to post- “Went to the circus and saw this most beautiful tiger. So cute! Saw a tiger at the zoo, at touching distance! So beautiful! Wanted to give it a nice hug!” And some heart-emojis to go with this comment. After all, "janma-saaphalyam" can be attained only through a tiger-darshanam.

Let’s face it! These trips are not about the tiger at all. These trips are about us…about dare-devilry…about bravado…about putting our lives on the line…about tempting fate…all of this...to get those “thumbs-up” emojis…to boost our self-image…on social media! Isn't it?

“Sir! The next time, please fit a grill to the vehicle! I will surely come!”  I trailed off, as we left Kabini. “Sir, nothing will happen sir! Why are you so scared? A tiger is like a housecat! It runs away when it sees us with its tail between the legs. We look so scary sir! Think from the tiger’s angle, sir! Think like a tiger, sir!”

Poda!

 

 

Dum hai to pass kar!

This happened last week. While going to work in my office cab, I spotted a car just ahead. At the back of the car, a sentence was written. It read- “Dum hai to pass kar…nahi to bardaash kar!” Loosely translated, it would read- “If you have the guts, if you have the strength (dum hai), pass me, i.e. overtake the car and go ahead. If you cannot overtake, just stay behind the car and put up with me (bardaash kar)!”

Sometimes, you feel…as though the cosmic forces conspire to hand over the most topical message, gift wrapped and dispatched…just for you! The message can be sent through any vehicle, even the vehicle ahead! The more I pondered over this sentence, the more I was convinced that there was no greater teaching in life!

What does this line say? The first and foremost message is a “call for action”- “dum hai to pass kar”- “overtake this blessed car and surge ahead”! Isn’t this the message that Krishna conveyed to Arjuna? Arjuna, in your situation, you must be decisive and act…for any day, action is better than inaction- “karma jyaayah akarmanah”.

Krishna packs more punch into his argument-“Don’t be incompetent and put up with nonsense”, “klaibyam maa sma gamah”. Arjuna, you must do your bounden duty, you must fight- “kuru karmaani” and "yudhyasva".

The beauty of “dum hai to pass kar” is an additional, subtle point. Action should be “calculated and calibrated” and not done on an impulse. Rash daredevilry is also action, but obviously, it goes nowhere. Hence, the sentence says, “dum hai to”…“after having weighed all the pros and cons of the situation, including your own ability, your own strength, may you act”!

Now, we come to the second part of the sentence- “nahi to bardaash kar”. Sometimes, we face “choiceless situations” in life. Krishna calls this “aparihaarye”- “irremediable situations”. Action here is not of much use.  In such a situation, what should you do?  It is here that we get the great message of “kshamaa”- the ability “to cheerfully put up”, “to enthusiastically accommodate” and “to resiliently endure”. This is “bardaash kar”! Haven’t we heard- “what cannot be cured must be endured”?

All this flashed across my mind, even as the cab was stranded at Silk Board Junction for a good 45 minutes. The cab may have been static, but my mind was on a roll! Dum hai to pass kar…was like that prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous- “God! Give me the “strength” to change what I can, to “accept” what I cannot and finally, the “wisdom” to know what can be changed and what cannot be changed!”

I was indebted to the car ahead with its “dum hai” message for revealing life’s verities in a such a pithy and succinct manner!

The mind is a monkey! It can plunge "from the sublime to the ridiculous” in an instant! “Dum hai to pass kar” had an alternative interpretation. The most iconic song of the 1970s was “dum maaro dum, mit jaaye gham!”- “Take a puff, take a smoke, and watch all your grief and sadness melt away!” Truly, those times were modern to convey such a thought-provoking technique as a panacea for all problems in life. In college, haven’t we come across the smoker’s camaraderie, where one friend eggs the other to join him in those collective puff sessions? “Machaan! Pass the dum da!” This is exactly what “dum hai to pass kar” is talking about!

For the rest of us, the smell and smoke gave a severe headache. It was a nuisance.  What do you do then? This is where “bardaash kar” fits in! You learn to put up, you learn to tolerate. "Dum hai to pass kar, nahi to bardaash kar" was such a versatile statement!

I forgot where I was. I burst out laughing...enjoying my own ridiculousness, bordering on madness! The cab driver glanced at me. His eyes were a mix of worry, panic and alarm. Who knows? He may have even abandoned the cab and run for cover, wondering what kind of co-passengers he had. How do I tell him- that an entire universe was brewing in my head?

I love Bengaluru with its enormous traffic snarls. It gives you infinite time and scope to let your mind run loose and totally...totally...wild!

So near and yet sofa!

Not everyone can be Hanuman. He carried a portable sofa with himself. Captured by the rakshasas, he was paraded before Ravana in the durbar hall. He created a sofa according to his specification- adjusted to the correct height and with the appropriate amount of cushion, using his own tail! From this vantage point, he scanned his audience- brimming with “I am the master of all I survey” and took on his adversary. The sofa gave him this added edge and advantage.

The rest of us have to make-do with sofas that come in all kinds of flavors. When I visit someone’s home, I am always wary of the sofa I am about to settle in. Some sofas are veritable “sinkholes”- the kind of sinkholes you read about in the newspaper these days. The entire road suddenly caves in and takes with it cars and even entire trucks! Some sofas are exactly this kind. The moment you sit on the sofa, it sucks you into its depths like the famed Bermuda Triangle. There is absolutely no time to take evasive action. Peering from the precincts of this well helplessly, you will soon need external help to extricate yourself from this blackhole!

At the opposite end of the cushion-spectrum are sofas that are “all bone and no flesh”! Decades of usage has ensured that the foam is virtually non-existent. Newton’s third law of motion comes fully alive. You impose your weight on the sofa. Its bony, wooden frame resists and gives back a counterpunch! After a few minutes, it hurts badly. You try different antics- using your palms as a support pillar to hoist yourself that extra inch and lessen the weight on your seat. When the attention is focused on the lower part of your anatomy, coherent conversation with the host is impossible!

In some cases, the cushion is a free spirit. Each time you adjust yourself, the cushion is equally animated and moves along with you. In extreme cases, much to your horror, it bounces off the sofa and falls over. It is now a scramble- to retrieve the cushion and give it back its rightful place. We don’t know who is more red-faced- the host for owning such a sofa or you…for being so terribly clumsy!

They talk about the “swinging sixties”. That was before my time. The late-1970s and early-80s had two major inventions that virtually defined these decades. One was of course the “safari suit” that invaded and captured the man’s wardrobe. The other was the “sofa cum double bed”.  No home worth its salt could exist without a “sofa cum double bed”. It was like owning an i-phone- your social status was tied to it.

When you visited someone's place, the first activity was a “live demo” on the functioning of the sofa-cum-double-bed.  It was truly a path-breaking invention. When space was at a premium, it functioned as a compact sofa by the day. And come night-time, you could unfurl and expand it into a full-sized bed. How you reacted to this “demo” had a direct bearing on what proceeded thereafter. A lukewarm reaction got you lukewarm, stale coffee. “Wow! This sofa-cum-double-bed is absolutely stunning…and wonderful! It is so-so comfortable!” Such a reaction endeared you to the host and got you the best coffee- strong, hot, and frothy and even some tidbits to go with it!

Sofas have evolved over the decades.  There are sofas that rock and sofas where you can hoist your feet and rest, all with the click of a button. We spot even “massage sofas”- where the cushion curls and squeezes your sides, to “loosen the tension in the muscles” so that you feel “light and relaxed”.

Regardless of the amount of “research” you’ve done before purchasing the sofa, once it sits in your living room, you invariably wonder- maybe, we should have got a less bulky sofa, or perhaps a lighter color.  Like all else, it is a case of being so near and yet sofa!

 

On trees!

A certain modern day Indian writer is at his eloquent best when he writes about trees. A master wordsmith, his writings evoke nostalgia, “Those were simpler times. Roaming around the verdant hills of Dehra, we spent the innocent days of our childhood…climbing trees and eating lichis!” The “climbing trees and eating lichis” theme has supplied this favorite writer of mine, with ample text to fill several essays, spanning decades!

Life is unfair. For some of us, the entire topic centered on trees must be given a miss. The topic simply doesn’t exist. Growing up in Mumbai, there were no trees and surely no lichis. What is this “lichi” by the way?

Back then, there were exactly 2 trees in the neighborhood. The first was cut down when the roots were perceived as a threat to the structure of the adjacent building. The second was sliced in one swift, decisive move. A makeshift screen had to be stretched across the building compound for the evening “film-show” during Ganpati time. The “aavla tree” was seen as a distraction, with its branches obscuring portions of the screen. There was no choice. The aavla-tree had to make way for the night show.

I would have also written about “spending the golden days of my childhood…climbing aavla trees and eating succulent aavlas”. Alas, that was not to be. Thanks to this prickly past, I am terribly weak when it comes to tree matters.

A month ago, while getting to the office cab in the morning, I saw Venkat busy with the apartment gardener. “I need a clump of these neem leaves. My son is just getting out of chickenpox!” Venkat explained. “Wow! These leaves are so huge!” I expressed my earnest admiration. Venkat was stumped. “You mean these leaves? That’s not even “neem”. That’s almond! Neem tree is the one behind the almond tree!”  Venkat could not contain his bewilderment anymore. “You don’t know neem? What tree do you know then?”

Without batting an eyelid, I replied “Coconut!”. Coconut and I share an edgy past. In one “inter-school drawing competition” centered on the theme of “Kashmir”, I drew an elaborate landscape. There was Dal-Lake, there were the shikaras skimming across the lake, there were houseboats and of course snow-capped mountains.  There was also one lonesome coconut tree stretched across the page. Back home, after the competition, sister didn’t mince words, “You drew a coconut tree in Kashmir? In Kashmir? Your painting will be disqualified!” I did not see eye to eye with sister. What was the problem with the coconut tree? Kashmir se Kerala tak, hum sab ek hain, na? Also, like “poetic license”, isn’t there something called “painting license” which allows “an artist’s imagination to run riot”? What about all that tall talk? But sister was right. I didn’t win. May be, they did disqualify my entry.

After my morning tete-a-tete with Venkat, sitting in the office cab, I did some soul searching. How many trees did I really know? There was banyan, there was ashwattha vrksha, there was coconut and then the gulmohar. May be, I can include the pine tree also. The count ended at this point.

It was a humbling moment. Suddenly, other irrelevant trees gatecrashed into the mind, in fact, three of them. There was the “family tree”, there was the computer-science “binary tree” and the “Bhagavad Geeta samsaara tree”. Surprisingly, all the trees I knew about, were “upside down” trees, with the “root up” and the “branches below” (urdhva mulam…adhah shaakham)!  

Kalidasa was also weak when it came to trees. We read that he tried to cut the branch on which he was seated and was surprised that it matched a bystander’s “prediction” and he fell down! But some divine grace helped him. He grew up to be a master poet and composed a full verse, exclusively on trees. He enumerates them by the dozen… “ashwattha…vata-vrksha…chandana..mandaara” and ends by saying- ”kurvantu nah mangalam”- may all these trees bless us!

We can take a leaf from this incident.  There is some hope for every tree ignoramus, even an ignoramus who cannot distinguish between the root, the shoot and the fruit! Shoot!