The dog ate my homework!

We hear the expression “The dog ate my home-work”. It was the proverbial, lame excuse that students used, to outwit teachers. Teachers had a tough time to sieve out the legitimate excuses from the outlandish ones!

“Ma’am, I completed my homework, but forgot the book at home! Mother promise!” saying so, the student pinched his neck. The teacher retorted, “So forgetful, is it? Do you forget to brush your teeth also?” You had half a mind to respond, “Yes, I forget that too!” But then, such an indiscrete answer would provoke the teacher. Silence was a better option. You put on the most sad-puppy face to bail you out from the brewing crisis.

Back then, the absence of the cellphone gave complete anonymity to the student. The parent was  inaccessible. Information was exchanged between parents and teachers through hand-written notes in the school-diary. For most parts, students wrote the notes, filling those big parental shoes at that tender age! Sridhar was absent for a couple of days. When he came back, his diary said- “Sainus”. The teacher caught him by the ear, so sure that he had fudged the excuse and his mother’s signature. Sridhar had a glib answer for his sinus ailment, which caught even the teacher off-guard, “Ma’am, my mother does not know English! She studied in Tamil medium!”

Playing truant from school was common. The diary was filled with reasons like “cousin sister’s wedding”, “went to native”, “high fever” or “bad cough”. When you got the diary signed, you coughed a few times, to lend an element of authenticity. Students invented innovative excuses- “helped grandaunt who fractured leg”. Some went one step further- “granduncle gone”.

The occasional parent-teacher meetings led to prickly situations. The teacher expressed genuine sympathy, “I am very sorry to hear about Dinesh’s granduncle.” Dinesh’s mother was confused, “But he does not have a granduncle!” Sridhar quickly saved the blushes- “Teacher, that was not Dinesh, it was Rajesh’s granduncle!”

One lost count about the number of relatives who had broken legs or who had passed beyond the pale of human existence! The following year, students resurrected the same relatives for another round of falls and broken bones.

Class tests and excuses went hand in hand. Just when the test was about to begin, Dinesh complained of stomach-ache, the most unverifiable ailment! Dinesh put on such a theatrical act that the teacher was forced to excuse him.

Dinesh limped away to the sickroom, holding his belly. He passed by the class-window. The coast was clear.  He glanced at his buddies. His face lit up with the most mischievous half-smile before he doubled the decibel level of his pain! What a sly fox!