The great tomato robbery!

The price of tomatoes has gone through the roof. This week, newspapers carried multiple incidents- how lakhs worth of tomatoes were stolen. Bank heists and great train robberies are old fashioned. Burglars have set their wicked eyes only on tomatoes! May the reader not dismiss this as sarcasm or dark humor. It is factual.

Every dog has his day, and today happens to be tomato’s day. We explore the wide ramifications of this steep price rise. It is set to impact our lives in more ways than just our culinary choice.

Tomatoes will force a radical change in Bollywood movie plots. Those riveting stories revolving around smuggled “heera” are destined to get a makeover. Now, when the villain wants to extort ransom money, he kidnaps the heroine and calls up the hero with an open threat. “If you want to see her alive, come to Mud-Island tonight, alone, at 2:00 am sharp, with 10kgs of tomatoes!” He ends with the customary warning, “And if you try to act over-smart, and get counterfeit tomatoes, you know what will happen!” and hangs up the phone with an evil laugh.

The hero lands up at the dead of night with a suitcase. The villain orders, “First, give me the tomato. Then, I will hand over the girl!” The contents of the suitcase need to be verified. The hero reveals the  tomatoes- all bright-red, shiny and juicy! The reader will be familiar how the plot unravels thereafter. There is sudden confusion as the suitcase is thrown in the air. The tomato suitcase goes from hand to hand. In the inevitable skirmish, you don’t know who is beating up whom! When all is lost, and the suitcase is left floating in the ocean, the hero’s dog suddenly materializes out of thin air. He bites the villain in the rear, saves the heroine, and retrieves the tomato from the depths of the ocean! The movie ends with a duet centered on tomato- “Tomaato…aami je tomaar…tomaato, I am truly yours!”

The tomato has given a new lease of life to bad stage-performers! They are suddenly in great demand. Earlier, for their lousy show, they were pelted with rotten tomatoes from the audience. But now, times have changed. It does not matter that the tomatoes are rotten! They are still tomatoes! After the show, the program’s producers and stage-actors hastily retrieve all the thrown tomatoes! They will literally build a castle with the tomatoes thrown at them!

Spain is known for its annual “Tomatina” festival with its Holi-like celebration, except that the Spanish Holi is played with tomatoes. Earlier, we looked at the event with disgust. “How can they tolerate tomato juice squirted all over them? So wasteful!” If the price rise in tomato continues, it will outpace gold. We will soon have an Indian version of “Tomatina”. Dousing someone with tomato juice, will be considered the ultimate mark of honor and respect, as though a veritable “kanaka-abhisheka” is being performed!