Hosts and guests!

Today’s children are forthright. When they visit someone’s house, and the host asks, “Would you like some juice?”, they immediately reply- “Yes!” The prompt response is easy for everyone- no dilly-dallying, no shuffling of feet, no confusion whatsoever.

Back then, the rules of social conduct were different. Parents drilled into their wards, “If someone asks if you would like to eat something, just say no! Don’t be a greedy pig and ogle at the food as though you’ve never eaten for days!” For the child, the messaging was confusing. On one hand, he felt like eating, but he was constrained to say no.

Accompanied by parents, there was always some relative’s house, you visited from time to time. The host asked, “Would you like to eat something? Some rasgulla? And orange sherbet to go with it?” The offer was too tempting. The child’s eyes lit up. The tongue was already salivating! But the existing social mores demanded you couldn’t say yes. You cast a side-glance at your mother, pleading in silence to agree quickly. Much to the child’s dismay, mother answered for the child, “No! We just had lunch! He will be much too full to eat anything!”

Contrary to the prepared syllabus, the child blurted out, “No! I am not full! I will eat!” The host smiled. For the mother, it was a loss of face and a terrible embarrassment. She glared at the child, her eyes bulging, while the host went inside to fetch the rasgulla! The child had won a mini battle. He dug into the rasgulla with relish and in no time, he had gobbled up a couple and asked for some more!

Some children were raised meek and timid. They didn’t deviate from the prepared script. But the host knew better. She overruled mother’s response with- “You do not have to look at your mother. You can directly tell me!”  and offered the bowl to the child.  2 moon-like rasgullas floated in a lake of sweet syrup! Delight was written on the child’s face!

The problem was with hosts who played by the rulebook. They took mother’s response at face-value and snatched the rasgulla bowl from the child’s hands. For the child, it was a big letdown- it was a case of being so close and yet so far. The face was filled with gloom, and thereafter, it grudgingly mumbled in monosyllables to further questions at the guest’s place. Once back home, the child attacked mother, “I wanted to eat the rasgulla! Why did you say no?” Mother tried her best to pacify the child, “We have sweet at home. Shall I give you?” The child was angry- “I don’t want this silly sweet! You eat it! You eat it! I want that rasgulla and that orange sherbet!”

Some hosts used a “proactive” formula and never asked questions. Before you knew, they thrusted a full cup of Horlicks right into the child’s hands. There was no time to say- “I hate Horlicks!” The cup of Horlicks had fundamental issues- firstly, it was lukewarm and insipid. Secondly, there was hardly any Horlicks, just a faint hint, the rest was plain milk. Thirdly, the milk was not clear, but pocked with ugly lumps of cream- a total no-no. One sip and the child stuck its tongue out in disgust. Mother insisted, “Don’t waste! Finish the cup!” For the child, it was like serving a life-sentence. With a couple of more sips, the child’s face changed color and the mouth was pouted dangerously, as though on the verge of throwing up! That’s when sanity set in. The Horlicks was taken away before greater chaos unfolded.

As we grow up, this sticky situation presents itself in a different format. Faced with the question, “Would you like some tea?”, the mind wants to say yes, but the mouth forces you to say no. But with age, you learn to answer diplomatically- “If you are also having tea, I will join you!” Now, the ball is in the host’s court, and thankfully, he obliges!

We are glad this questionable behavioral pattern is a thing of the past. Today’s children may seem a tad frontal and direct in their response. It is easier that way- than beating around the bush and running around in circles!