The infant airplane syndrome!

For an infant, an airplane ride can be truly traumatic. As adults, we know that after 16 hours, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. The infant has no such hope.

Think about it from the infant’s angle- it is suddenly stuck in this cage. Its earlier, familiar world is gone. In this new world, it is dark, it is cramped, it is filled with rows upon rows of absolute strangers. Further, you do not get a seat of your own. You must stay strapped to the parent’s chest for hours on end. When the parent walks down the aisle to the soothe the infant, there is more fear. You see more people heads, much like a Mumbai suburban train in rush-hour, confirming that the world beyond your seat…is far worse. The child must be filled with such panic!

How do you assuage this kid? Naturally, it screams as though there is no tomorrow. The mother tries to pacify. She is unsuccessful. She tosses the child over to the father. He is equally clueless. Sometimes, parents come armed with a “pacifier”. it is a device that sticks into the child’s mouth and allows it to calm down. At this point, a pacifier is completely useless. The child is bawling, its mouth is ajar, and stretched to the limit on all sides. How is the pacifier going to stay in place? At the most, the parent can use it, to calm his or her nerves!

Parents of infants face other forms of subtle, rude barbs. They invite ugly stares from co-passengers. The stare says it all- “You are an irresponsible parent, with no knowledge of parenting. You have instilled absolutely no discipline; no wonder, the infant is wild, on the loose and so unruly!”

Sometimes, you are lucky to get co-passengers who have “been there and done that”. They give some constructive advice, “When the plane takes off and when it lands, the air-pressure changes. The child experiences intense pain in the ear. That’s the reason it cries so much. It is ok to give some medication. That way, the child can sleep through the journey!” Sage advice all right, but how do you implement it now?

In some cases, the parents have signed up for a “bassinet”. The airhostess hands over the bassinet. For the uninitiated, a bassinet is a glorified vegetable vendor’s basket. It is a tiny little trough, just enough to fill a couple of tomatoes and potatoes, so that you can hand it over to the grocer for weighing and pricing. The bassinet is clamped in front of the seat. Once you place the child in the bassinet, it screams even louder. It shakes its hands and legs in such a frenzy that it comes dangerously close to toppling the entire bassinet and may be, the delicate partition-wall that holds the bassinet in place!

One big problem with a plane journey is that there is no scope to distract the child. At least in a train, the child can look out of the window. Yes, we agree, that in a plane, there is no arresting scenery to watch. Still, the arrangement of clouds and the play of light and shadow can keep the child interested. But even this entertainment is denied.

In an airplane, even if you get a window seat, you are asked to keep the windows shut. Someone is disturbed by the light streaming through the window and complains. The airhostess comes by, “Sir, can you down the shutters of the window?” Parents of the infant are now truly helpless.

When there are multiple infants in a plane, the crying follows a well-documented protocol. It is a like a jugalbandi between a mrdangam artiste and a ghatam player in a concert. First, one infant howls from one side. The other one simply watches. Somehow, the crying infant is pacified. Now, the other child takes over. And once this ghatam artiste has completed his aavartanam, the mrdangam player takes over once more. This ping-pong continues for a few iterations. Eventually, the ghatam artiste and the mrdangist join hands, and together, bring the roof down! So too in this airplane- strains from each infant, one on either side, is unified into one harmonic screech, as this vocal jugalbandi draws to a climactic close!

The kids have cried themselves hoarse. Peace reigns. All is quiet, except for the occasional advice to “Fasten your seatbelts and refrain from using the restroom. We are experiencing some turbulence”.

We are told Sage Vaamadeva experienced this exact “infant airplane syndrome” when he was stuck in his mother’s womb.  For him, the “get me out of here” feeling was so intense, that whilst in the womb, he pondered over the verities of life. When he was born, he was already an enlightened person!

Yes, the “infant airplane syndrome” can be such a game-changer, in fact, a life-changer!