The bread winner!

Sometimes, I seriously feel, I would have been a baker in a past life! Nothing else can explain the absolute delight, I find in bread! It is tough to explain the feeling to a non-believer. I can eat bread for 365 days of the year and more! Even the word “break-fast” is a misnomer- it should have been “bread-fast”!

The peculiar fascination for bread can lead to tricky situations. When you go on a trip, you often wake up in the morning, in time for “continental breakfast” at the hotel. There is an entire “spread”, arranged in buffet style. In India, you cannot beat the variety at breakfast. There’s steaming Idli and spicy Sambar, delicious Upma and sumptuous Pongal. You open the next casket on the breakfast counter. Once the mist of the emanating steam settles down, the eye comes face to face with golden Vadas. And yonder, there is crisp Masala Dosa, inviting you with the shine of burnished gold. For a foodie, this is heaven. Full-stop!

Something is clearly amiss. I summon the hotel manager and pop my question, “Where is bread?” He takes time to respond, as though, he’s taking time to process the word.  Totally puzzled, he fumbles, “Bread? Bread?”  Even my family is aghast, “There’s so much variety! Why would you eat bread? You can anyway eat bread at home!”

A bread lover has no explanation. It’s like the episode from the Mahabharata. Before the war, Krishna gave 2 choices to Arjuna and Duryodhana. One choice was to opt for Krishna’s entire Yadava army- all his soldiers, his infantry and cavalry, everyone armed to the teeth. The other choice was to opt for one individual- a non-combatant Krishna. Arjuna made the first choice and chose Krishna. Duryodhana couldn’t believe Arjuna could make such a ridiculous choice! When there was such abundance of power and might in the Yadava army, how could Arjuna opt for a measly Krishna?

For some of us, bread is like the choice Arjuna made! It is a “no-brainer”- there is no choice really.  It does not matter…what else is pitted against bread. Bread wins, hands down, each time, every time! The non-believer scoffs at bread as “tasteless” and “food meant for the sick and the convalescent!”

Father, forgive them, for they know not, what they say! Bread has infinite variety that a non-believer fails to see. We have “bread with jam”, “bread with butter”, “bread with ketchup”, “bread with cucumber and tomato” …what to talk of more exotic concoctions like “bread upma” and “bread pakoda”!

Plain bread is comfort food- soft and fluffy with its unique, subtle taste. Toasted bread, on the other hand, is a completely different breed. The moment it pops off the toaster, it is irresistible- tasty, crunchy and crispy!  Your finger runs after even the crumbs that scatter around with each bite! And then…when it comes to “Rusk” with hot masala tea in the late afternoon- the combination has no contenders!

Bread is your all weather, all-day friend!

These days, there’s a bewildering variety within the bread kingdom. We have “white bread” and “milk bread”, “wheat bread” and “muti-grain bread” and even “sweet bread” and “fruit bread”.  Bread’s close cousins, the “bun” and the Mumbai “pav” are undeniably important players in bread’s dream-team!

In the 1970s, the film “Deewar” had an iconic dialogue between Amitabh and Shashi Kapoor. Amitabh taunts Shashi Kapoor, “I have everything! Aaj mere paas…gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai! What do you have? Kya hai tumhare paas?” Shashi Kapoor looks at Amitabh in the eye and answers softly, “Mere paas maa hai! Mother is on my side!”

In my version of “Deewar”, this dialogue will get a complete makeover. Amitabh will spew venom with, “Aaj mere paas…sab kuch hai…Idli hai, Dosa hai, Samosa hai, Pongal hai! Kya hai tumhare paas?” Shashi Kapoor will now answer, “Mere paas bread hai!”

Bread is the ultimate winner. No wonder, we still ask, “Who is the bread winner of the family? We do not ask, “Who is the Idli winner or the Dosa winner?” Do we?

 

The book-browser!

Yes, I am a “book-browser”. I browse through books at the bookstore, but I never buy a single book! My defense is this- my wife and children have bought enough and more books from the same bookstore, for over a decade. Those purchases should surely give me some additional perks, shouldn’t they? Why can't I be a book-browser then?

Every evening, I walk to this bookstore at the mall. The only variable in my daily, well-oiled routine is to pull out a book at random! Yes! Open a random book to a random page. That done, I will carefully browse through that one page, as though, it has a specific, pointed message meant for me, for that day! It takes me exactly 10 minutes for this entire exercise. That done, I will place the book back in the shelf and leave the bookstore.

It is a routine that I have followed for months, may be, years. About 2 weeks ago, an attendant manning the aisles, accosted me as I read my book-for-the-day. He said, “Sir! 5 minutes!”  I was puzzled. Never has someone delivered such a pointblank, abrupt message to a book-browser.

After all, a book-browser is well-versed with all the tricks that storeowners use to evict him. An attendant will suddenly appear out of nowhere, to re-arrange the books on that one shelf, against which, the book-browser is leaning. But a book-browser knows how to deal with these attempts to thwart him. He side-steps the attendant and walks away, carrying the book in his hand. Standing at a different corner of the store, he continues his browsing.

Soon, someone comes along and pops a question, “Can I help you sir? Is there a specific book that you are looking for…sir?”  The book-browser is a seasoned campaigner. Experience has taught him to respond with an evasive answer, “No! Thank-you! I can help myself!” and buries himself back in the book.

Next, a security man comes his way. The trick is to avoid eye-contact with any security person.  That singular act renders the security man defenseless. You casually turn around and face the other way, till he goes past you. In some time, he is sure to appear from the opposite end of the aisle. You repeat the same tactics- turn around, face the other way, and continue your reading.

The other nasty methods that bookstore owners use…is to switch off the fan and the lights, in that specific section of the store. Or they broadcast the recorded message, "The store is about to close in 10 minutes!" Why do bookstore folks harbor such obvious hatred for the book-browser, we wonder.

The book-browser is often asked, “Why don’t you buy the blessed book?” People miss the point. The book-browser is not a book reader. A book-browser has neither the patience nor the attention-span to read a book. He is incapable! He simply likes the company of the book.  He likes the feel of the book resting on his palm, he likes to twirl the pages a few times and perhaps read a page or two. And yes, he likes to flit from book to book, like a bee stopping for a moment or two, at each flower! He feels erudite, informed, and knowledgeable in handling the book, without reading it ever…in its entirety! Why can’t we allow the book-browser this innocent pleasure, I say?

“5 minutes only!” the security person curtly repeated at the bookstore. I asked him, “5 minutes for what?” He replied, “For reading the book!”

Strangely, ironically, the book in my hand was a copy of the Bhaagavata Puraana. As per tradition, this book had a timespan associated with it. King Pareekshit had exactly 7 days to internalize this material. The story goes that the king successfully completed the study in those 7 days. And here was this security person saying I had “5 minutes” to read the same book!

I read the book for the full 5 minutes. And once the 5 minutes was over, I placed the book back in the shelf and headed home!