The Annual Thread Changing Ceremony

I look forward to the "Annual Thread Changing Ceremony". Invariably, the event almost always provides comic relief to last an entire year, when we come back to replenish the stock! The event falls on the day of "shraavani paurnami", the full-moon day in the month of "shraavan", typically in the month of July. Well known as "Raksha-bandhan" across the country, for some of us, it is also the day when the sacred thread has to be changed. Of course, the day has a religious significance which is not completely lost on me. But that's a serious topic which we will defer... for another day.

For now, just want to capture the lighter moments, which are many!

Procrastination is my second nature. The previous evening is when I typically panic and hurriedly plan for the event- to unfold the following morning. Frantic phone calls need to be made to family and friends to find an appropriate venue for the event, organized at various places in the city. Each one has a different suggestion- the temple across the street, a remote "chatram" (marriage hall), a club-house at an apartment complex, at home with an audio cassette and some scribbled notes as reference, over the telephone with an old hat babbling mantras from the other side or even via the internet, with skype!!

I've been to locations ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. The "Makara-vaahini" temple on the banks of the Ganga in Haridwar was possibly the most picturesque venue for the ceremony- Shivalik foothills in the distance and the Ganga- gushing away at arms-reach.

The other end of the spectrum was surely the Ranka Colony venue. We were all made to squat on one side of a volley ball court with the priest on the other side and a net between us! It was hard on the eye to keep track of him through the volley ball net, and equally hard on the ear to catch the mantras since there was no microphone and his voice was lost in the general hub-hub of traffic. The result was a total fiasco. I emerged from the event with both the new and the old sacred thread on my person, since I had completely missed the crucial part where the old thread had to be discarded!!

Getting dressed for the event is half the battle. Wearing a dhoti is a challenge for most of us. It has problems aplenty- the material is transparent, seemingly open from every side and with the capacity to slide down from the waist without notice! If there is an Act for Obscene Exposure, many of us would be booked and held in the lock-up for the rest of the day! I've never managed to find a dhoti long enough- once you tie it up in "pancha-style", you find that it comes only till the knee roll! The legs stick out like a pair of  thin pipes, and you end up looking plain stupid. I've noticed that this costume provokes street dogs- which is a worry, you can't even run for cover (pun unintended)!

"For you, we need to buy an 8 yards dhoti, 6 yards will not do!" someone comments at home when I protest at the lack of length. I just don't care. Can someone get that 10 or even 20 yard dhoti so that I don't have to go through this every year ?

"Appa! Where are you going so early in the morning dressed like a clown!?" my daughter rubs her sleepy eyes and questions.

"How many times have I told you NOT to ask where I am going when I am going somewhere ?" I know that the answer only added to her confusion. Anyway, I slam the door and make a quick getaway!

The venue is a strange sight- a sea of bare-chested  (and bear-chested!) men. There are no perfect human bodies who come to change the thread- no Salman Khans and Hrithik Roshans to flaunt their well toned bodies, rippling muscles and the much touted  six abs! Ordinary human beings come with their physical quirks- either they are straight out of the famine in Somalia or too well endowed- with an overflowing beer belly, fat and opulence oozing out from every side! The children who have been recently indoctrinated have a different problem- if they remove their shirt, their backs get itchy and they indulge in a whole lot of body contortions to find some relief!

The head-priest is the master of the ceremony. His voice is at best feeble and muffled; and over the boom (and the occasional squeal) of the microphone, it resembles the "platform number announcers" at the railway station. The most important part of the sentences are lost and we are left high and dry.

One has to be careful and attentive at the ceremony. There are some parts which have to be recited only by Shaivas, some by Vaishnavas, some by unmarried people, some by married people, some only by folks with no living parents and still others reserved for first-timers!

There are instructions to wear the thread as a garland, then back to the normal style and for select people, there are instructions to wear it the opposite way. Water has to be cupped and poured off the palm in a leg-spinner's action and at times poured out from the back of the hand like an Anil Kumble googly!

The details are bewildering and the priest aggravates it further by mentioning that an incorrect action would attract paapa (sin) as well! Staying silent and aloof appears a better choice in an exam paper riddled with negative marking!

"Two threads for me!" "Brahmachaari thread for my boy please!" "I am missing a dharbhaa (special puja grass). Can I have one ? Some extra will also be good! I can use it for tomorrow's Gaayatri japam". "Does someone have some akshataa ?" "I need a little bit of yellu (til seeds). Can I borrow it?" - the demands are many.

A techie has forgotten the most important piece of equipment he should have brought with him, the "pancha-paatra (puja-vessel) and uddharani (puja-spoon)". There is a suggestion that he could possibly borrow a tumbler and a spoon from the Adigas Restaurant, two streets away! There is consensus that the spirit is important and an Adigas spoon is good enough!

Now, for the important part. The sacred threads are distributed in a peculiar way- wrapped up in a ball. Each candidate has to unravel the thread first, so that it is made nice and long, and then wait for instructions from the priest to put it on. Unraveling the thread is the most difficult act in this entire ceremony. Many a mighty candidate has had mud on his face and cut a sorry figure! A bit of carelessness in handling the thread and you end up in knots- knots which could keep you busy for the rest of the ceremony. It has the propensity to be more slimy than solving the Rubik's Cube- you think you've finally got it right, but you've only complicated the situation still more with that last move!

Children get scolded for no fault of theirs, adults look sheepish and ask for another fresh thread and end up in the same tangle once more.... !

The priest is visibly upset. He can't understand how people can be so uninformed. When the instructions to discard the old thread was given, a rather clueless youngster chose to stand up, have the old thread slide down and removed off his feet like an underwear when it should have been removed simply off the shoulders!! 

Another one has no old thread to discard. "I guess I lost the thread a few months ago when I went for a swim!" he answers nonchalantly, with an irreverent shrug of the shoulders.

The priest shakes his head in disapproval and mutters under his breath which is thankfully edited by the microphone. Hinduism appears in definite danger!

Once the new thread is worn and the old one discarded, the people get fidgety and impatient. They need to leave right away! One candidate's mobile goes off and he has an urgent call from his office! The next batch of people are waiting in the wings for the matinee show and want this morning show ended! People collide with each other to pay dakshina to the priest, deposit the coconuts and betel leaves, take the prasaada, discard their dhotis, get into their jeans and get the hell out of here!

Impatience comes for a price. The candidate who had to leave on his work assignment urgently is back. Apparently, he had his home-keys tied to his sacred thread. In the excitement, he had discarded his old thread along with the keys! As I leave the place, he is still rummaging through the garbage in an attempt to fish out his old thread and his keys! My sympathies are with him. Good luck!