The "sir" syndrome

In the US, you address everyone by the first name, regardless of age. He could be your graduate professor or the person at the grocery counter. "Hi Jim" will work at both places equally well! Coming from India, you find it odd, especially when you are talking to someone, twice your age. The honorific "sir" comes automatically, both in written and spoken speech.

Imagine calling "Subramaniam sir" in college as "Hi Sub!" and engaging in the conversation with a cheery, "How are you doing dude?" It would sound jarring. Moreover, you are sure he will make a mental note of it and get back at you in kind, when he evaluates your exam paper! There was no point taking a chance! You were better off with a safe "sir".

The only confusion arose when it came to Mr Desai and Mr Sardesai and both were your professors. You had to demarcate them carefully as “Sir Desai” and the other with almost a double honorific as "Sir Sir-desai"!

“Sir” was your best bet when you had to cringe and plead for marks. “Sir-sir-sir-sir, please sir! Give me one mark sir! I will pass sir!”

"Sir" could well be a legacy from the days of the Raj. You signed letters in the olden days with "yours obediently" and "yours respectfully" that mandated a natural "sir" at the beginning. But “sir” might have predated the British too. Some of your common prayers, asking for the whole world to be happy, surprisingly start with a “sir”- “sir-vey bhavantu sukhinah!”

In India, you use "sir" generously, almost like a punctuation mark, even with peers. "When did you reach Delhi sir? I hope you are having a good time sir!" This style works like a charm- it is a deft way of endearing yourself into the other’s good books.

In North India, the sir is coupled with a trailing ‘ji’. While "sir" sounds too curt and British like, "sir ji" has an avuncular tone to it. Respect and affection are wrapped in the usage. “No problem sir ji!  We can always find some paratha and some lassi-shassi for dinner sir ji!” 

In the South, "sir" is changed to "saar". It is strewn liberally in daily conversation. "What is this Saar? Why should you pay? I will pay for the idli and bonda saar!"

Sometimes, the "sir" comes out with a different punch. You casually tell the person, “I am planning to go to the US for a few weeks”. He sits bolt upright and acknowledges with a crisp “sir!” “I will be back by the end of the month.” He shoots back, “Sir!” The "sir" says it all- both intent and attention. He has to be from the army!

Given the above track record, how can I call you, “Hi Jim”? It is not going to work Jim saar! I will have to call you Jim sir ji!