Owning a road-roller!

Let’s face it. Most of our cities have bad roads. The reasons are many- may be, it is the volume of traffic, may be, it is the unseasonable rains. You may own the fanciest car, but life is a great leveler. Your fancy car must negotiate a mud-road here and a ditch there, a pothole here and a crater there!  In the process, it gets all bruised and battered, and soon, it is reduced to a shadow of its former, pristine self.

Earlier this week, I saw a road-roller, parked by the roadside. It was a Eureka moment. It instantly flashed- why not sell the car and buy this road-roller instead? The more I thought about it, more overwhelming were the benefits…and mind you, not one…negative point. I couldn’t help patting myself, for stumbling upon this brilliant idea.

Owning a road-roller is like taking matters into your own hands, taking the bull by its horns, as they say. You feel totally empowered. Bad roads? No problem at all! The road-roller will level the bad road to submission. You pave your own path…literally! And once you’ve leveled the road, think about the rest of humanity. They can simply follow you, your road-roller’s footprint, rather. This is exactly what the poet meant when he wrote, “Footprints that perhaps another, sailing over life’s solemn main, a forlorn and ship-wrecked brother, seeing, shall take heart again!” What better social service than this, I say?

Many of us have an intrinsic desire to own a posh car- a Ferrari, a Porshe, a BMW or a Benz. Why do we want a fancy car? Why? Introspection will reveal- we do not want the car per se, we want that “attention”, to be a “head-turner”, a “cynosure of all eyes” as they say.  For this attention seeker, a road-roller is like manna from heaven. After all, the biggest head-turner on the road is the road-roller. It’s like riding atop an elephant! Who will not notice you, looking regal and majestic, as you hurtle down the road, on your road-roller?

Most of our cars are too delicate. Just one touch from a neighboring car, and it crumples like paper. Think about the number of times the fender has got dented, or the sides scratched? “Sir, we need to replace that entire side-plate. We cannot make any pointed fix!” the car mechanic tells you. Each time, you must pay through your nose. A road-roller will have none of these problems- no dents, no scratches, nothing! It is built like a beast, like a bison, like a Patton tank!

Any innovation will face initial resistance. Imagine…you are about to turn your road-roller into a mall. The security man rushes at you, all bewildered. “This is not allowed! Allowed nahi hai!” he may protest. You will have to combat him, “What do you mean this is not allowed? What do you mean? This is my vehicle! Arey bhai! Haan! Road-roller hi mera car hai! Samajh rahen naa aap?” He will likely keep you waiting, to get permission from his superiors. And meanwhile, the other cars in line, will curse you, for delaying them too…with this monstrosity ahead of them. Such episodes are possible.

Getting permission from the home department will not be easy. “I am planning to sell off our Honda!” Wife will ask excitedly, “What a sudden decision! What car should we buy? I heard “Duster” is a good vehicle. Or an “Innova”…” You will have to summarily interrupt her. “No! I am thinking...out of the box, this time. I am planning to buy a road-roller!” “A what?” “A road-roller! A road-roller! Don’t you get it?” Yes, it will take some convincing at home, for sure.

The apartment-complex folks will protest. After all, apartment parking lots are compact. It is possible that the front of the animal will stick out, inconveniencing other vehicles. You will have to counter the objection stoutly- “Show me! Where is it written in the rulebook, where is it written…that you cannot own a road-roller? Show me!” One thing is for sure- once you have parked your road-roller, they can do nothing. They cannot tow your vehicle away, much less, puncture the tires!

When we weigh the pros and cons carefully, the advantages of a road-roller outweigh the negative points, hands down. I am waiting for the day to drive my road-roller down Bannerghatta Road.

Aye! Aye! Aye! Here cometh the road-roller! Here cometh the road-roller! Get out of the way!