Tomorrow's question paper...I am going to tell you now!

This is a real incident going back to 8^th standard. Mrs. Kher, our Hindi teacher, entered the classroom. “Class! I want you to pay full attention. No fidgeting, no talking to your partner, no looking out of the window and no daydreaming! Tomorrow is your Hindi exam, right? I am going to tell you what’s going to come! Kaan khol kar sun lo!”

The boys could hardly believe their ears. “M’am! Tomorrow’s question paper! You are going to tell us…what’s going to come…now?”  “That’s correct! Every duffer and every donkey should pass this time!” Mrs. Kher explained, overflowing with the milk of human kindness.

Did we hear her right, did we? Since when did Mrs. Kher become so overly generous? There was absolute disbelief. Maybe, a different spirit was indwelling her frame, that made her talk like this?

But this was not the time to ponder over possibilities. Hindi exam was a tough nut to crack. Before Mrs. Kher changed her mind, we had to extract the question paper and copy it down to the letter!

Dinesh, the class monitor, immediately shut the windows and drew the curtains. You do not want secrets leaked carelessly. The class normally resembled a fish-market. It was now steeped in pin-drop silence- just the whirr of the fan and the occasional clearing of the throat.  

The notebook was on the desk and the pen was held aloft. We waited with bated breath. Mrs. Kher began in a hushed tone, as though the map to a hidden treasure was about to be revealed.  “Class! Write down, carefully. This is very important. There will be 2 sections. We start with Section-A. Prose (gadya) questions- 20 marks. Poem (padya) questions- 10 marks. Fill-in-the-blanks- 10 marks. Match-the-columns- 10 marks. That makes it a total of 50 marks. Correct?”

“We now come to Section-B.  Grammar (vyaakaran)- 10 marks. Use-the-right-idiom (muhaavara)- 10 marks. Comprehension- 10 marks. Essay (nibandh)-20 marks. This will be your paper tomorrow!” Mrs. Kher smiled, pleased as punch.

There was a stunned silence. It was a confusing silence. David, whose “whole body was brain”, could not contain himself, “M’am! You have revealed the entire paper! The entire paper! How can we ever thank you…m’am? How can we?” Once David set the ball rolling, others followed the template. More and more students were convinced they needn’t even study for the exam.

The class ended for the day. The students rushed out…like tearaway horses let loose. “We know the Hindi paper! We know what’s going to come tomorrow!”- collective screams rent the air, as the boys ran down the corridor.

By now, students from the adjoining classes mobbed us. “You know what’s going to come tomorrow? Please rey!  Share with us! Please rey!” Dinesh acted pricey, “Here’s the deal- you buy 2 stickers and 2 “gola” ice-candies at Jaadiya’s (hawker outside the school) and I will tell you the entire paper! Simple!” Business acumen was sharpened on those school corridors.

Amid all this excitement, only Sridhar wore a grumpy look. “What are you happy about? M’am did not reveal a thing. She just stated the obvious! Fill-in-the-blanks- 10 marks or 20 marks. How are you any wiser…man…now that you know?”  Sridhar was outshouted for being a spoilsport.

There is a reason why I remembered Sridhar. Earlier this week, one of the former legends of Cricket, wrote an article titled- “How Indian batters can go past 400” in the Test Match against Australia. The headline caught my attention. Surely, the article is going to share some pearls of wisdom, some rare insight, some subtle analysis.

The article went as follows. Reproducing verbatim- “India's batters will need to fire on all cylinders. India will need a good opening partnership. One of the top three batters will have to score a 'daddy hundred' (Note: “daddy hundred” means a score in excess of 150). Keep smart targets. The first 10 to 15 runs will be hard to get but once the batters are settled, they should make the most of the opportunity. If India keep this in mind, they can go past 400!”

This legend’s revelation was exactly like the Hindi question paper “leak”. Sridhar was angry with Mrs. Kher on that day. He spoke his mind, “Appun kya Alibag se aayaalai…kya? (Do you think I am a bumpkin from Alibag (a rural beach-town close to erstwhile Bombay), that you can take me for a ride…so easily?”

This Cricket article deserves Sridhar’s response- “Appun kya Alibag se aaya hai…kya?”