On sher, shayari and poetry!

India has a rich poetic tradition. Each regional language is littered with poetic works. Of particular interest is the “sher” and “shayari” tradition in Hindi and Urdu. Bollywood cinema brought home the niceties of this genre through its landmark films.

In college, some had a natural gift of the gab. They were a never-ending storehouse of “sher” couplets. For every occasion, they had an apt quote that held the audience in a swoon. Commencing with the trademark “Doston! arz kiya hai”, they reeled out verse after verse. The meaning was beyond us.  It was the finesse that bowled us over. 

Appreciation for “sher” and “shayari” follows a pattern. The moment the poet enunciates the first line, the audience breaks into a spontaneous “wah-wah”! He repeats the line verbatim to encash more applause. Only when a fresh round of “kya baat hai!” goes around, does he progress to the next line.

You wondered if the audience was hypnotized to respond favorably or whether it was born out of understanding. That was always a grey area. In any event, you were better off giving the benefit of doubt to the poet. It’s like a joke you didn’t follow. You still joined the laughter chorus so as not to stick out like a sore thumb!

More than the words, it was the style of rendition that mesmerized the audience. Given the captivating voice of the speaker, he could infuse poetry into even inane words. Give him any simple sentence and he could turn it into poetry. Even an innocuous- “I ate idli and sambar for breakfast!” would sound poetic in his deep baritone.

The repetition created the aura. He would likely say, “I ate” and pause for effect, followed by “idli and sambar for breakfast”. Next, a change of the subject and the predicate. “For breakfast”, followed by silence and then the words, “I ate idli and sambar”. And finally, one more juggle of the same words. “Sambar and idli”, he would announce with elan, followed by the trailing words “ate I for breakfast!” The audience surrendered to him- like pliable clay, in the hands of an expert potter.

The poets of yesteryears had possibly too much free time on their hands.  They did not have to worry about paying the electricity bill or debug badly written software.  Or run from pillar to post because the internet connectivity went down!

They could wake up late in the morning, laze around, quaff some spirit, tuck “paan” to the side of the mouth and compose reams and reams of sublime poetry!

The TV and its many remotes!

In the times of yore, the TV was a simple gadget. You switched on the TV, and it sprang into action. No complications. When the second channel was introduced, the change was intuitive. You physically shifted the knob to move to the other channel.

Now, fast forward to the present times. You are at your relative’s home for a short holiday. Your relative is away for the afternoon. All you want to do is watch some TV. You pick up the TV remote and press the button. Nothing happens. The TV is as dead as dead can be! You punch a few buttons at random. Something happens. The TV glows- all grey with a waterfall noise to go with it. You hope it will morph into some colorful pictures. It stays stubborn and grey. The only control you have is two-fold: you can either switch the TV on and off. Or reduce the volume of the waterfall noise.

You vigorously tap the remote. Perhaps, the battery is worn out. You walk up close to the TV. You flash the remote at different angles. May be, the rays will bounce off the wall and breathe life into the TV. By now, you are at your wits end. There is irritation. There is anger. Above all, there is wounded pride. How can you not get a simple TV to work? After half hour of turning the TV on and off, you give up.

By now, your relative is back. She asks, “I thought you wanted to watch the Cricket match on TV?” How do you answer this question? You pick up the same remote. “It’s not that remote! It is the other one!” You feel like shouting, “Why did you hide the correct remote and send me on this wild goose chase?” A few clicks with the other remote and now, the TV is alive and kicking!

It is now the next afternoon. Your relative is again out. The Cricket match is still on. The only difference is-you now have 2 remotes in your hand. She did explain- some HDMI-1-2-3, but it was as clear as cow dung! A few clicks of the first remote and some of the other- you try it all. In your hands, the TV does one job consistently- it stays grey with the same waterfall soundtrack. An existential question comes up- why does a TV even need 2 remotes in the first place? To rub salt into the wounds, a probing question comes your way, "I thought you studied computer!"

One thing is for sure. Today’s TV will never be stolen. The thief has no hope in hell of getting it to work. Only the TV owner knows the magic words. At best, the thief can melt the gadget and sell it as scrap metal!

 

 

 

The donkey needs a patron!

The donkey has been the butt of jokes for far too long. Back in school, during the morning assembly, the PT sir held the microphone. He had to ensure that we stood in straight lines. With 500 boys running riot, it was impossible to know their names. He invariably shouted, “You donkey! Come here!”  No one wanted to respond to the instruction. If someone volunteered, PT sir got more irritated, “Not you! The other donkey!” It took a lot of false starts before the eventual donkey was found.

No animal looks cuter than a baby donkey. With its beady eyes and its fur like a Turkish Towel, it is cuddlier than a teddy bear. And when it comes to utility, you cannot beat the donkey. It gives all help to the washerman without a complaint that it is carrying dirty linen in public.

How can the donkey get a makeover from its perceived foolish status? In India’s vernacular languages, the owl is considered foolish. The owl has equal reason to feel miffed. In the case of the owl, the English came to the rescue with the idiom, “as wise as an owl”. Unfortunately, the donkey has no patrons.

The donkey’s eyes are most beautiful- shaped like an almond. It is customary to refer to a lady as “doe eyed”. No one knows what a doe is. At least, everyone has seen a donkey. This phrasal change can be made.

Any change will take time to sink in. Undoubtedly, there will be prickly situations. Romeo may get slapped because he called Juliet “donkey eyed”.

The donkey surely deserves better. Can we adopt the donkey as our national animal? The response will be, “Why change? We already have the tiger”. Let’s face it, when we think of a tiger, we are overcome with fear. But even mention of the word donkey, brings an irresistible giggle. In a world filled with strife and grief, an element of humor can be added by voting for the donkey. Also, one day, the tiger may become extinct.  But the world will always have donkeys.

The only problem I foresee is the confusion it will cause, especially for children. A common quiz question is “What is India’s national animal?” Invariably, some child will answer “tiger”. You will now have to step in, “Wrong answer! It used to be the tiger, but now, it is the donkey!”

There are other complications. A student may ask, “Madam! Can you repeat the question?” She may get angry and snap at the student, “Donkey! Why don’t you pay attention when I am talking?”

And now, all the students will pounce on the teacher, “Madam! You gave out the answer!”

The annual budget presentation!

In India, there is always the next big event. It could be the festival round the corner, the start of IPL or even the Annual Budget presentation.

You wait with bated breath. The media stokes your curiosity by maintaining a countdown to the D-day. The finance minister will arrive with a magic wand. One swish of the wand and your entire world is about to turn golden! Such is the anticipation!

In the days of yore, on the day of the budget, the finance minister strode with a briefcase! It was a mandatory accessory. You wondered how many sheafs of paper lay stuffed, and how long the reading will take.

Times have changed. It is a paperless world now. The briefcase is replaced with a sleek laptop. That apart, the tradition has stayed the same.

A unique aspect of the budget presentation is to make a sudden departure from the reading and drift off to a quotation from a vernacular text. It is like a dose of comic relief, in the middle of a suspense thriller!

As the reading continues, one side greets each sentence with a thumping of the desk! The elation on one side is met with heckling from another. The hecklers claim that the middle-class is taken care, but the farmers are left out. If the farmers’ concerns are addressed, the hecklers feel the salaried class is compromised.

Whatever stance you take, someone has an objection. It is like the Panchatantra story. The father and the son were walking with a donkey. A passerby commented, “Why are you walking with the donkey? Why don’t you put it to use?” It sounded like a good idea and the father rode the donkey. There was another comment now. “Look! The poor boy is walking, while the shameless father rides the donkey!” The point was taken, and the son rode the donkey. This time, the interjection was- “Why is this young fellow riding the donkey, while the aged father walks?” Now, the father and the son together rode the donkey. It brought the final comment, “Do both of you have no sympathy for the poor donkey?”

Much like this story, a perfect budget is an oxymoron.  “Vitandaa vaada” originated here. You will be faulted whatever position you take!

One side hails the budget as “balanced and historic”. The other side sums it up as “disappointing” and “moving coins from one pocket to another”! How can the same data be interpreted in opposite ways? Shouldn’t it be an exact science? Apparently not! It is like a glass of milk filled till the middle. It is entirely up to you- to look at it as a half-full or half-empty!