The cricket-nut and the anti-cricket-brigade!

Cricket has been in the news lately. The astronomical financial package awarded to some of our favorite cricketers grabbed the headlines. Someone got 10 crores, another got 20, running all the way to a whopping 27 crores!

What would take a person of moderate achievement several lifetimes, the cricketer pockets, by simply showing up in one edition of the annual T-20 circus!

Let’s face it, there are 2 types of people! On one hand, we have the cricket-madcap! He doesn’t follow the game- rather, he breathes the game, day-in and day-out. We will call him a “cricket nut” for easy reference. And then, we have the opposite breed, for whom, cricket is an anathema. This breed just cannot understand what the fuss is all about. We will call this person the “anti-cricket-brigade”.

Often, the cricket-nut and the anti-cricket-brigade live under the same roof.  It keeps the home lively! “27 crores! The franchise bought him for 27 crores just to play a game of Cricket! What madness is this? Our scientists sent a vehicle to the moon! To the moon, mind you! Did they get paid even a fraction of this 27? There must be some sense of proportion!” the anti-cricket-brigade is totally aghast!

“Leave the scientists. What about other sports? Let’s take hockey, kabaddi, kho-kho or aeroplane-paandi. Do those players get any recognition? It’s because of over-the-top cricket fans like you, that such filthy money is poured into one game!”

The cricket-nut takes the attack personally and sulks in a corner. Reference to “aeroplane paandi”, that silly game of hopscotch and comparing it with cricket is too much! For some time, the cricket-nut imagines an IPL organized for aeroplane-paandi- how the hopscotch squares will be drawn on the ground with a piece of chalk, how players from around the world will be invited to hop on one foot! And yes, you will now need stadium-full of fans, colored uniforms, cheerleaders, and expert commentators to seriously analyze the game of paandi! The cricket-nut couldn’t suppress a giggle, even in the imagination! Paandi just wouldn’t cut it, would it?

The other day, the cricket-nut came home terribly depressed. His face had a forlorn look, as though all was lost in life. With his eyes pressed tight, eyebrows knitted, fists clasped, he pleaded fervently, “Can you please pray?” The anti-cricket-brigade asked, “Pray? For whom? Is someone unwell?” “No! I want you to pray for India!” “For India? Why?” The cricket-nut explained, “India has lost 7 wickets for 30 runs, that too against New Zealand. Can you pray...so that they cross their lowest score of 36, to avoid more disgrace?” One look at the anti-cricket-brigade, and the cricket-nut knew, no prayer could be extracted! “Serves them right! Serves you right! And now, may I ask, how many of your heroes scored zeroes, absolute eggs, total “andas”, and still earned 27 crores?” The anti-cricket-brigade was being overly nasty.

“I am planning to grow a beard!” the cricket-nut began conversation at home, a week ago. “Virat has not scored a 100 for the last couple of years. Till he scores his next 100, I plan to grow a beard, as a resolve, as a “mannat”!” The brigade shot back, “Don’t you have anything better to do? Take care. Your beard will reach your toes, but Virat isn’t going to score any better!” The brigade was totally wrong! I had a stubble for just 2 days. Virat scored his 30^th century! The beard-mannat did the trick. Wish I had known this earlier.

The cricket-nut got home from office. He was jubilant. He flung the office-bag to one corner and kicked off his shoes. The brigade asked, “So happy! Did you get a promotion? Or a hefty bonus?” Scattering the roll of socks, the cricket-nut explained, “No! This is even bigger! Much, much, much bigger! You know what? India won the Perth Test! India won at Perth, the fastest wicket in the world! At Perth! Can you believe it? India pummeled Australia! Australia did not know what hit them! Bumrah and Virat, Jaiswal and….!” the cricket-nut reeled away, while the brigade blinked back, totally alarmed!

The tipping point!

“To tip or not to tip! That is the question!” Shakespeare may well be forced to rejig his Hamlet quote to suit today’s time and age.

The situations are many- you are on a road-trip. You step out of the car at the hotel. The “greeter” opens the car door for you, gives you a broad smile, and helps you with the luggage. Next, you order coffee to your room. In a trice, an attendant knocks at your door with a tray of steaming coffee. Later, you are about to finish up lunch at the restaurant. The waiter pauses that extra second just after you pay the bill. In these situations, to tip or not to tip? That is the Shakespearean question!

“Tipping is a feel-good response. It is my way of giving back in howsoever small a way. A 20-rupee note here, a 30-rupee there, costs me little. But it brings a smile to a waiter’s face!” I gave my opinion.

The non-tipper was brutally honest, “No! I never tip. It is a matter of principle. I pay the bill at the restaurant- down to the paise, and then…and then…I simply walk away!”

You question the non-tipper. “What if the waiter gives you a nasty glance for being so tight-fisted and miserly, like Silas Marner? He might even call you dirty names in the vernacular. He may abuse you with “Oye! Kanjoos-makkhi-choos!” or with “Poda! Kanja-pisinaari! Poda!” How will you deal with such a pointed taunt?”

The non-tipper shrugged his shoulders. “Let him! Let him! I don’t care! But, one thing, I never go to the same restaurant twice! That way, I don’t have to confront the disgruntled waiter again! And one more thing- I never make eye-contact once I pay the bill! I look away and slip away!”

The non-tipper continued, “These fellows make good money, you know! Look at that hotel greeter’s dress- so tip-top! More tip-top than you and me! Wearing such a top, you tell me, does he need a tip? Also, what all will you tip? The petrol-pump person asks, "Sir, shall I top-off the petrol? Top-off sir?" and wants a tip-off! The ice-cream vendor adds an extra topping and expects an extra tipping!"

This tip-and-top phrasing was going a little over the top now!

The non-tipper elucidated further, “Why should we tip…I say? Tipping is the tip of the iceberg. It sets in motion a vicious cycle of expectation! The waiter starts expecting a tip from everyone. Didn’t Krishna say, work without expectation, didn’t he? Karmani-eva-adhikaarah-tey…maa phaleshu kadaachana! Didn’t Krishna say that? And now, by tipping, you are encouraging expectation-based bad behavior- exactly what Krishna wanted to condemn!”

“Let’s say, you tip the waiter a hefty sum of 100 rupees.  He gets tipsy seeing such a heady tip. You IT fellows can afford it. Can everyone afford it? No! Will the waiter deliver the same level of service to everyone?  No! And now, who is responsible for artificially inflating the market? You! You, my friend! You!”

“You may ask…what is the way out now? Very simple! Nip it in the bud…right at the tip- don’t tip!”

The debate was getting too heated up. I switched on some music to soothe the non-tipper’s nerves and was about to tiptoe out of the room.  The non-tipper got angrier! “You selected this song on purpose, didn’t you?” I pleaded ignorance and lent my ears to the song that was playing. It was a famous Bollywood song from the 1990s.  It went- “tip-tip-tip-tip barsaa paani!”

It was as though, even the rain had to be tipped…to pour, so the song seemed to say! This was surely the tipping point!

 

 

 

 

Sing...as though...no one is listening!

This is a true story. Our recent trip to Udupi was coming to a close. On the way back to Bangalore, we stopped at Chikkamagaluru, at a prominent hotel.

The evening, we checked in, I knew there was something dicey with the bathroom lock. I struggled. Somehow, it unlocked, this time around. “You just have to press the button at the top. It opens easily!” my wife explained. The topic was closed for the day.

The next morning, I had to take a shower. My wife was all ready and stepped out of the hotel room. “I will join you in 10 minutes!” I told her. Who carries a cellphone to the bathroom, right? The last thing you want is some silly accident where the cellphone slips from hand and falls into the toilet. I left the cellphone outside.

Just above the bathroom shower, a catchy line caught my attention. It said- “Sing as though no one is listening!” You know how hotels and resorts advertise these days. How to be in nature’s lap, and allow your body, mind and soul to rejuvenate.  “Sing it seems!” I chuckled to myself and took a shower. That done, with the hair dripping with water, wrapped in a towel, I was about to step out of the bathroom.

I pressed the lock button. It did not open. I pressed it once, twice, thrice. It stayed stubborn. I twirled it, I punched it, and finally yanked it with brute strength. It was a bad choice. The lock got disturbed from the base and was now rotating in full, like that scary head in “Exorcist”. I banged the door a few times. No response.

Where did my wife go? How long is she going to take- 10 minutes, 20 minutes…before she realizes something is amiss? There was anger, there was helplessness, there was fear, there was a lot more.

“Sing as though no one is listening” was not an amusing tagline anymore. How do you bide your time? Maybe, bad singing will attract attention- either human or divine, to bail me out.

The song had to be finalized. What should I sing? “Jana gana”?  Obviously, you cannot sing the anthem in the bathroom. “Happy birthday to you!” flashed as the second choice. I castigated my mind for enumerating such ridiculous choices. How about some Hindi film song? I was reminded of Kamal Haasan in Ek-duuje-ke-liye, locked inside a lift and singing. “Wah! Wah! Mere jeevan saathi…pyaar kiye jaa! Jawaani diwaani...”- seemed a topical song. The song was more screaming…and less music. Just my type. But my mind protested, “At this age, will you sing this song?” 

Other choices had to be explored. “How about that racy song by Usha Uthup from yesteryears- Hari Om Hari…Hari Om Hari…ooo…ooo?”  The song had no elaborate lyrics, just this refrain, sung in different octaves. Who knows? Like the Gajendra moksha tale, Hari's name could invite divine intervention too!  I could not narrow down. “Why don’t you try classical?” my mind questioned. “Classical? You mean…Carnatic music? That kind?” I mentally scanned through what could be sung. Maybe, that popular varnam, “Ninnu-kori” in Mohana raaga? That seemed a reasonable choice. I closed my eyes, cleared my throat and in all seriousness, fixed the pitch- “sa….pa…..sa”!

My rumination was cut short. There was a knock on the bathroom door. It was my wife. “What are you doing? What’s taking you so much time?”

The mind is a funny fellow. He wanted to sing and felt a mild irritation, now that his singing was interrupted. “Help! Help! Let me out! I got locked!” I blabbered. Thankfully, the bathroom door could be unlocked from outside.

It was a harrowing experience. What if someone traveled single and got locked? What if the hotel had no housekeeping staff to clean the room each day? Could someone stay in the bathroom for days on end, with no hope in hell of getting out?

“Sing as though no one is listening” made perfect sense. There is no one listening. You can keep singing and singing and singing…till the cows come home!

 

 

Speed breakers!

During our recent road-trip to Udupi, I was suddenly jolted out of sleep. “Have we hit the ghat-section already? We are going uphill, aren’t we?” I blabbered incoherently, still drowsy. “No! Not yet! That was just a speed breaker!” our driver, Murthy saar replied.

On some of these highways, it does feel there is less road and lot more breakers. It’s like a game of snake-and-ladders. In a couple of squares, there’s always one enormous snake, waiting to gobble you! There is no escape.

There are small waves and big waves in the ocean. And then, there are tsunamis. So too, in the speed breaker world- there are small breakers, big ones and some so monstrous, that the under-belly of the car registers the breaker-signature, each time it rides over it.

We are told, some foreign-brand cars do not sell in India because “their suspension is too low”. They are just not equipped to negotiate our breakers. It’s like asking that caterpillar-like dog, the Dachshund, to do a pole vault! It is surely a tall order!

Riding over speed-breakers is the ultimate test for a driver. It requires tact and anticipation. If the car is too fast, it can break the back or neck of many an unwary passenger. In addition, a car at speed, can tee-off the speed-breaker, like a plane at take-off. It will be too scary.  

To compensate for the excess speed, you slow down the car to the minimum. And now, the result is the opposite. After climbing the incline of the bump, the car is too slow and stalls midway through the ascent. It slides right back from the bump and comes to a halt. It’s like that reluctant racehorse that finds the obstacle too steep, changes its mind, and stubbornly, refuses to go any further!

In some cases, in addition to the speed-breaker, “obstruction boards” are laid out like a turn-style; with fences arranged in an “S-shaped pattern”. And now, in addition to the vertical jostling, the car is rattled side-ways too. It is a harrowing experience.

A speed breaker with no visible markers, (which is often the case), can be lethal, especially at night.  The slope merges with the rest of the road. Like that mountain “Mainaaka parvata”, that suddenly rose up from the ocean floor and stopped a flying Hanuman midway through his tracks, this speed-breaker catches you totally unawares.

The passengers hit the car-ceiling and are quick to blame the driver, “Can’t you slow down the car to negotiate the bump? Is that too much to ask?” Poor driver! What can he say?

The worst speed-breaker is the “multiple-camel-ride”. Here, multiple speed-breakers are laid out back-to-back. You go over one-hump, descend, go over the second hump, descend, and so on. This pattern repeats as many as five times over. By now, if you have not swallowed a tablet for headache and motion-sickness, you will surely need one.

In India, we look for escape routes all the time. In some cases, the speed-breaker has not been laid out in full- a little carelessness in the execution, you can say.  There’s a tiny patch towards the edge of the road, where the speed-breaker does not extend. This loophole is sufficient. The cars approach the breaker at top-speed and suddenly veer to the open patch, adding chaos, commotion and surely…a lot more danger too.

A close cousin to our speed-breaker is the “wake up zone” on the US highways, designed to keep the car passengers awake. These are not bumps. Rather, an opposite technique is used. The road is scratched, leaving fissures on the surface, like a ploughed field. The car registers a vibration that shakes you up, like sitting atop a drilling machine.

“Do we need such wake-up zones?” I asked. Murthy saar was very clear, “We do not need “wake-up zones” in India at all. We are all wide-awake…all the time…thanks to our roads!”

 

 

The Belur Chennakeshava temple- magic in stone!

There are temples and temples in South India- each one more awe-inspiring than the other! In that list, the Chennakeshava Temple at Belur will stand tall...rubbing shoulders with the very best! This morning, we visited the temple.

The guide at the temple, Mr Nagaraju,  began his exposition with the phrase- "You have come to Kalaa-saagara". Art here, is like the ocean- It is vast, it is extensive,  it has no boundary. Also, like the ocean, it is deep and simply unfathomable!

I am writing from memory, based on the guide's account to us.

The temple at a glance!

The temple was built in the year 1117 (an easy date to remember)! It was built by the Hoysala kings. Pointing to a sculpture of a man with a sword, battling a lion, the guide explained, "The boy's name was "sala". "Hoy" was a call to kill the lion. Thus, came the name Hoysala and an entire dynasty, the Hoysala kings, who ruled for 400 years.

Hoy-sala!

This is the Chenna-Keshava temple, about an hour from Chikmagalur in Karnataka. "Chenna" means beautiful. Keshava is of course, Lord Vishnu. Chennakeshava is Lord Vishnu in the form of a lady- Mohini. Vishnu took this form to vanquish "Bhasmaasura". The asura was tricked into touching his own head, and thereby met his destruction, by Mohini! 

This is a functional temple (unlike Halebeedu, which is 14 km away). The deity is always dressed as a lady. Lord Vishnu is mohini, the one who captivates and mesmerizes everyone. Lord Vishnu took this Mohini form at Belur, and hence the significance of this particular form here.

It took 103 years to build the temple- spread over 3 generations of kings. The pioneer was King Vishnuvardhana. His earlier name was "Bitti-deva". He was an adherent of the Jaina religion. He became a Vishnu bhakta inspired by Saint Ramanuja.

At the entrance to the temple, we find a frieze where King Vishnuvardhana is seated at the center, his wife Shaantala by his side, and with Saint Ramanuja in the foreground.

King Vishnuvardhana, Queen Shaantala and Saint Ramanuja

Hoysala temples are spread over this entire region. 3 prominent ones from this dynasty are- this temple at Belur,  another at Halebeedu and yet another at Somanathapura, close to Mysore. While the Belur temple is dedicated to Lord Vishnu,  the Halebeedu Temple features Lord Shiva. The Halebeedu temple came under attack from Mallik Kafur (Khilji sultanate in Delhi) around the year 1311. Hence, it is not a functional temple anymore.

No such problem with the Belur temple, the guide says. It has been a functional temple all along.

Though the Belur temple was built in 1117, during the time of the Vijayanagara empire, which was about 500 years ago, a gopuram was built for this temple. We enter the Chennakeshava temple premises through this gopuram. The guide mentions- "Look at the horns at the top of the temple tower. It's shaped like a cow- "go". Hence, the term 'gopuram'!"

Gopuram built during Vijayanagara time

The chief architect of this temple was the legendary sculptor "jakanachari" and his son "Dankanacharya". The temple is built in the shape of a star. The pedestal is star-shaped, the main-temple structure seated on top of the pedestal is also star-shaped. The stone used for this temple is "soapstone"- that allows for intricate carving. The principal deity of the Hoysalas was Lord Narasimha. He is seen right at the entrance to the temple.

Makara thorana with Narasimha at the temple entrance
"Makara" seen in the pic (partially, towards the end of the pic) is a mythical creature.
It has the body of a pig, legs of a lion, wings like a peacock, eyes like a monkey, ears like a cow, trunk like an elephant and mouth like a crocodile! 7 animals join to form this "makara" creature! (All this detail is from our guide!)

One of the main attractions at this temple are the dancers and apsaras, striking various poses, delineated with mesmerizing details. We have heard about some of these masterpieces- especially the darpana-sundari....where the lady admires herself glancing into a mirror. Several such pieces adorn the top of the temple; each pose...out-beating the other. These pieces are held in place using "the pivot and joint" technique, the guide explains.

As you go around the temple, the first half of the temple wall is filled with terrestrial themes like the various dance poses. But closer to the garbha-griha, the walls of the temple have themes centered on Lord Vishnu and Shiva. The term "masterpiece" loses meaning as we admire these sculptures. Sculptures of Vishnu and Shiva are scattered all over- as though an entire sack...full of gems was carelessly emptied! There's Shiva as "Gaja-samhaara-murti" with 16 hands. There's Ravana with 10 heads lifting Mount Kailas, and atop the mountain, Shiva and Parvati are seated. We see Arjuna striking the eye of the fish during Draupadi's swayamvara, Lord Brahma is seen with 4 heads and Narasimha gouging out the entrails of Hiranyakashipu! It is a riot- a veritable poetry in stone!

Shiva and his various forms!

Ravana lifting Kailash

Lord Brahma

Lord Narasimha

The lower portion of the outer wall has 3 layers- the first layer is filled with a ribbon of elephants in various postures signifying "strength". Above that is a row of lions, symbolizing "courage" and over that, a row of horses signifying "speed". Thus, "strength", "courage" and "speed", together formed the motto of the Hoysala kings!

Strength, Courage, Speed!

The guide fills in with all kinds of details- how women wore patterned dresses back then, even bermuda shorts as well as sported various types of hair-do- "sadhana cut", "bob cut", "pony tail" and "hair in a curl"  

Women also hunted, as seen in one sculpture.  They had attendants and pet dogs back then too!

Hunting woman!

Once inside the temple, the focus shifts. The main idol is 9 feet tall and imposing. The dwara-paalakas- Jaya and Vijaya arrest your attention. There are pillars all over- each pillar is distinct and different from the other. There are circular pillars, lotus-petalled pillars and even a pillar where the "highlights of the entire temple are summarized in miniature!"

Pillar with temple summary in miniature

The ceiling is breathtaking. It is shaped like a wheel. At the center hangs a single-stone (the hub of a wheel) with Lord Narasimha at the hub-base. The hub itself is shaped like a linga and hence it is Lord Shiva. And Brahma too, is seen on the side. Below this wheel (which is on the ceiling) is the dance floor. The dance floor is just outside the main idol. It is here that Queen Shaantala danced. She was an exponent in Bharatanaatyam, the guide mentions. A sculpture dedicated to this queen is also seen on one of the pillars beside the dance floor.

The ceiling

Queen Shaantala

Outside the main star-shaped temple, there are other attractions. There's a stone-obelisk standing on 3 legs (the guide says), which was installed 500 years ago, during the Vijayanagara period. There's an adjoining structure that looks similar to the main one. The guide says that's the "trial temple" before the main one was constructed. At the back of the main temple, Sri-devi and Bhu-Devi have separate structures. 

By this time, we have run out of adjectives. It seems pointless to express admiration anymore through "oo" and "ah" and "wow"! 

As we take leave of the guide, he ends just the way he started- this is "kalaa-saagara". 

Indeed! There is no other way of describing this place.

One of the many forms of Vishnu on the temple wall