Sing...as though...no one is listening!

This is a true story. Our recent trip to Udupi was coming to a close. On the way back to Bangalore, we stopped at Chikkamagaluru, at a prominent hotel.

The evening, we checked in, I knew there was something dicey with the bathroom lock. I struggled. Somehow, it unlocked, this time around. “You just have to press the button at the top. It opens easily!” my wife explained. The topic was closed for the day.

The next morning, I had to take a shower. My wife was all ready and stepped out of the hotel room. “I will join you in 10 minutes!” I told her. Who carries a cellphone to the bathroom, right? The last thing you want is some silly accident where the cellphone slips from hand and falls into the toilet. I left the cellphone outside.

Just above the bathroom shower, a catchy line caught my attention. It said- “Sing as though no one is listening!” You know how hotels and resorts advertise these days. How to be in nature’s lap, and allow your body, mind and soul to rejuvenate.  “Sing it seems!” I chuckled to myself and took a shower. That done, with the hair dripping with water, wrapped in a towel, I was about to step out of the bathroom.

I pressed the lock button. It did not open. I pressed it once, twice, thrice. It stayed stubborn. I twirled it, I punched it, and finally yanked it with brute strength. It was a bad choice. The lock got disturbed from the base and was now rotating in full, like that scary head in “Exorcist”. I banged the door a few times. No response.

Where did my wife go? How long is she going to take- 10 minutes, 20 minutes…before she realizes something is amiss? There was anger, there was helplessness, there was fear, there was a lot more.

“Sing as though no one is listening” was not an amusing tagline anymore. How do you bide your time? Maybe, bad singing will attract attention- either human or divine, to bail me out.

The song had to be finalized. What should I sing? “Jana gana”?  Obviously, you cannot sing the anthem in the bathroom. “Happy birthday to you!” flashed as the second choice. I castigated my mind for enumerating such ridiculous choices. How about some Hindi film song? I was reminded of Kamal Haasan in Ek-duuje-ke-liye, locked inside a lift and singing. “Wah! Wah! Mere jeevan saathi…pyaar kiye jaa! Jawaani diwaani...”- seemed a topical song. The song was more screaming…and less music. Just my type. But my mind protested, “At this age, will you sing this song?” 

Other choices had to be explored. “How about that racy song by Usha Uthup from yesteryears- Hari Om Hari…Hari Om Hari…ooo…ooo?”  The song had no elaborate lyrics, just this refrain, sung in different octaves. Who knows? Like the Gajendra moksha tale, Hari's name could invite divine intervention too!  I could not narrow down. “Why don’t you try classical?” my mind questioned. “Classical? You mean…Carnatic music? That kind?” I mentally scanned through what could be sung. Maybe, that popular varnam, “Ninnu-kori” in Mohana raaga? That seemed a reasonable choice. I closed my eyes, cleared my throat and in all seriousness, fixed the pitch- “sa….pa…..sa”!

My rumination was cut short. There was a knock on the bathroom door. It was my wife. “What are you doing? What’s taking you so much time?”

The mind is a funny fellow. He wanted to sing and felt a mild irritation, now that his singing was interrupted. “Help! Help! Let me out! I got locked!” I blabbered. Thankfully, the bathroom door could be unlocked from outside.

It was a harrowing experience. What if someone traveled single and got locked? What if the hotel had no housekeeping staff to clean the room each day? Could someone stay in the bathroom for days on end, with no hope in hell of getting out?

“Sing as though no one is listening” made perfect sense. There is no one listening. You can keep singing and singing and singing…till the cows come home!