"Now, Bishop P (name withheld), our Chief Guest, will be standing here. Once you are up on stage, don't snatch your prize from his hands like a hungry street urchin! We want you to first go down on one knee. Next, kiss his ring, then pick up your prize, say a loud thank you and walk smartly across to the other end of the stage! Is that clear?", Mrs D'Souza's (name changed) instructions rang loud and clear across the hall. The Annual School Prize Distribution Day was about a month away and rehearsals were presently in progress to ensure that the event had no hiccups. We went through these sessions the previous years as well and most of us had involuntarily memorized Mrs D' Souza's instructions which were always the same, much like a flight attendant's initial sermon on an airplane.
But there was a one detail this time which would give us sleepless nights. Going down on one knee and kissing the Bishop's ring in public seemed overly complicated and completely unnecessary. After all, they did not come up with similar rules when the actress Saira Banu was the Chief Guest the previous year. What had suddenly changed that we now had to kiss a Bishop's ring to get a prize ? You can't talk back to Mrs D'Souza. Much less argue with her. It was unthinkable.
From that point onwards, for over a month, we were racked with nightmares centred on Bishops and rings in varied shapes and sizes!
The practice sessions indicated that this new drill was a sure recipe for disaster. Mrs D'Souza posed as the Bishop. Farhad Kambhata knelt down too soon on stage. Mrs D'Souza's hand and ring were still a mile away! Since he had already knelt down, Farhad chose to crawl the remainder of the distance like a dog to get close to the ring. It was too comical for the rest of us to contain ourselves as we watched from the sidelines!
Adhir had other issues. His portly physique did not allow him to be extremely athletic. Having knelt down and kissed the ring, he had to be physically helped by a couple of people to get up so that he could pick up his prize. By then, the next prize winner was already behind him and collided with him in an attempt to kneel down at the same time! There were other practical possibilities as well, that some, who had not yet resigned to their fate, tried to reason out with Mrs D'Souza. "But Ma'am, what if Bishop P has his hands folded so that the ring cannot be seen ? Should I yank his hand out or is it ok to kiss his feet instead!?" "Ma'am, what if Bishop P needs to scratch his head or his nose just when I get up on stage. How long should I wait to kiss his ring?"
One of the prize winners sought exemption from this strange ritual by producing a doctor's certificate claiming that he had a chronic knee problem! However, it was unclear how this fact would be communicated to the Bishop so that he wouldn't think of it as an affront. Some suggested that may be, he could hand the certificate over to the Bishop when he went up on stage!
There was one more bright student who claimed that he had braces for his teeth and hence he couldn't kiss! He was of the opinion that he could bare his teeth and grin at the Bishop. That way, the Bishop would know that the student had a problem with his mouth! It was getting way too convoluted.
The first person in the line of prize winners was the most nervous. At least the rest of us could follow this drill once it was set in motion. His concerns were valid. "Ma'am what if the Bishop doesn't know that I am going to kiss his ring ? Is it ok to at least ask him first!?"
Sridhar was known for his reckless streak. He hit it on the nail. "Ma'am! We don't kiss in our families!" The hall went completely silent and Sridhar rose multi-fold in our esteem! At a time when H1N1 was still many decades away, he added another detail, "Ma'am, will it be hygienic to kiss the ring after it has been kissed by 30 other students!?"
Mrs D'Souza had just one answer. She shot down all these objections by glaring at us the way only she can! We knew exactly what it meant.
News leaked out that the prize winners were going to kiss the Bishop. We soon became the object of ridicule and laughter in class. Silently, we wished we hadn't won a prize at all. Some of us prayed; prayed hard that God in his infinite grace, should somehow save us from this ignominy!
It was Prize Distribution Day in September. Rains lashed Mumbai and brought the city to a standstill. As we approached Shanmukhananda Hall, it was clear that many would not make it that day. There was just so much water. It was no better inside the hall. The first few rows were completely water logged. Commotion reigned supreme- teachers, students, attendants, security personnel, parents, everyone looked thoroughly confused. But the show must go on!
Bishop P was soon on stage. His trousers were rolled up to his knees. He also had to pull up his white cloak with both hands or he risked getting them soaked in water. Many prize winners had not turned up. It became difficult to match up the names with the actual person. But Mrs D'Souza made it amply clear that no one should protest. Hence, Appadurai Anantaraman had to walk in when Javed Canteenwala's name was called. Vispy Driver had to pick up the prize which was meant for Damodaran! Someone stumbled and fell with a loud thud on stage and needed immediate attention. In the ensuing melee, the Bishop, his ring, kneeling down, kissing- everything appeared utterly inconsequential. We just wanted to snatch the prize, get the hell out of Shanmukhananda Hall and go home.
The episode made a deep impression. I was sure that God answers our sincere prayers. Also, He has a great sense of humour!
P.S: Just wanted to add another detail for the agnostic. The Prize Distribution Day was initially scheduled in the month of August. On that day too, torrential rain derailed the city and the event was cancelled. It was postponed to September when the above incident took place. Lightning does strike the same place twice. Hence, the providential escape cannot be dismissed as a coincidence. It was specially engineered!
But there was a one detail this time which would give us sleepless nights. Going down on one knee and kissing the Bishop's ring in public seemed overly complicated and completely unnecessary. After all, they did not come up with similar rules when the actress Saira Banu was the Chief Guest the previous year. What had suddenly changed that we now had to kiss a Bishop's ring to get a prize ? You can't talk back to Mrs D'Souza. Much less argue with her. It was unthinkable.
From that point onwards, for over a month, we were racked with nightmares centred on Bishops and rings in varied shapes and sizes!
The practice sessions indicated that this new drill was a sure recipe for disaster. Mrs D'Souza posed as the Bishop. Farhad Kambhata knelt down too soon on stage. Mrs D'Souza's hand and ring were still a mile away! Since he had already knelt down, Farhad chose to crawl the remainder of the distance like a dog to get close to the ring. It was too comical for the rest of us to contain ourselves as we watched from the sidelines!
Adhir had other issues. His portly physique did not allow him to be extremely athletic. Having knelt down and kissed the ring, he had to be physically helped by a couple of people to get up so that he could pick up his prize. By then, the next prize winner was already behind him and collided with him in an attempt to kneel down at the same time! There were other practical possibilities as well, that some, who had not yet resigned to their fate, tried to reason out with Mrs D'Souza. "But Ma'am, what if Bishop P has his hands folded so that the ring cannot be seen ? Should I yank his hand out or is it ok to kiss his feet instead!?" "Ma'am, what if Bishop P needs to scratch his head or his nose just when I get up on stage. How long should I wait to kiss his ring?"
One of the prize winners sought exemption from this strange ritual by producing a doctor's certificate claiming that he had a chronic knee problem! However, it was unclear how this fact would be communicated to the Bishop so that he wouldn't think of it as an affront. Some suggested that may be, he could hand the certificate over to the Bishop when he went up on stage!
There was one more bright student who claimed that he had braces for his teeth and hence he couldn't kiss! He was of the opinion that he could bare his teeth and grin at the Bishop. That way, the Bishop would know that the student had a problem with his mouth! It was getting way too convoluted.
The first person in the line of prize winners was the most nervous. At least the rest of us could follow this drill once it was set in motion. His concerns were valid. "Ma'am what if the Bishop doesn't know that I am going to kiss his ring ? Is it ok to at least ask him first!?"
Sridhar was known for his reckless streak. He hit it on the nail. "Ma'am! We don't kiss in our families!" The hall went completely silent and Sridhar rose multi-fold in our esteem! At a time when H1N1 was still many decades away, he added another detail, "Ma'am, will it be hygienic to kiss the ring after it has been kissed by 30 other students!?"
Mrs D'Souza had just one answer. She shot down all these objections by glaring at us the way only she can! We knew exactly what it meant.
News leaked out that the prize winners were going to kiss the Bishop. We soon became the object of ridicule and laughter in class. Silently, we wished we hadn't won a prize at all. Some of us prayed; prayed hard that God in his infinite grace, should somehow save us from this ignominy!
It was Prize Distribution Day in September. Rains lashed Mumbai and brought the city to a standstill. As we approached Shanmukhananda Hall, it was clear that many would not make it that day. There was just so much water. It was no better inside the hall. The first few rows were completely water logged. Commotion reigned supreme- teachers, students, attendants, security personnel, parents, everyone looked thoroughly confused. But the show must go on!
Bishop P was soon on stage. His trousers were rolled up to his knees. He also had to pull up his white cloak with both hands or he risked getting them soaked in water. Many prize winners had not turned up. It became difficult to match up the names with the actual person. But Mrs D'Souza made it amply clear that no one should protest. Hence, Appadurai Anantaraman had to walk in when Javed Canteenwala's name was called. Vispy Driver had to pick up the prize which was meant for Damodaran! Someone stumbled and fell with a loud thud on stage and needed immediate attention. In the ensuing melee, the Bishop, his ring, kneeling down, kissing- everything appeared utterly inconsequential. We just wanted to snatch the prize, get the hell out of Shanmukhananda Hall and go home.
The episode made a deep impression. I was sure that God answers our sincere prayers. Also, He has a great sense of humour!
P.S: Just wanted to add another detail for the agnostic. The Prize Distribution Day was initially scheduled in the month of August. On that day too, torrential rain derailed the city and the event was cancelled. It was postponed to September when the above incident took place. Lightning does strike the same place twice. Hence, the providential escape cannot be dismissed as a coincidence. It was specially engineered!
hahahaha! Hilarious! Now we know why Mumbai has such heavy rains and floods :) Must be the sincere prayers from so many children :)
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