"Is there something vegetarian?" I asked at the McDonalds joint next to the Hotel. "Sure sir, we have chicken!" began the man , in a crisp and enthusiastic voice, only to be bluntly interrupted. "I meant something which contains no meat!" I explained. "I'm sorry. We have nothing which has no meat!" "How about some bun with tomato and lettuce?" "No sir, there is nothing like that on the menu," was the sharp retort, perhaps fearing that I would intrude into his kitchen and try my own recipe! I could have had french-fries. But there is a fear that even french fries could be cooked in lard (animal fat) in the US. I was left with little choice.
Next stop... In N Out Burger. Cheeseburger was on the menu. "I would like to have a Cheeseburger," I began cautiously, "I hope it has no meat!" This attendant was well informed. "Sir, anything which says burger has meat. Period." "How about some bun with tomato and lettuce?" I asked. "Yes, that would be a grilled-cheese. That has no meat". I settled for that... not one... but two- since it appeared to be the only option!
I have no doubt. Soon, the vegetarian will be just as extinct as the animals!! A vegetarian is a general nuisance.. both to himself and to society at large. Paranoia dogs him, though he is no dog eater! Plus, he has a doctrine which he cannot consistently follow in today's time and age. He fears that this dog-eat-dog world is out to get him, by feeding him what he shouldn't eat.
One is inclined to feel that vegetarianism is possibly on the rise, going by the numerous articles against red-meat. But vegetarianism of this kind is entirely different. Mostly, it is a preference to stay away from red-meat or other forms of meat by abstaining for a particular meal or for a specific length of time. It does not have the dogged, missionary zeal with which the "strict vegetarian" tries to restrict his menu- often to the point of self mortification!!
But here's how strict.... a "strict vegetarian" is. (To be read with that halting Indian accent that Hollywood chooses to portray Indians!) "I don't eat eggs, but yes, I do eat cake! I mostly eat eggless cake. But if I don't know it is egg-cake, I do eat egg-cake! I don't eat mushrooms, but if mushrooms are in a pizza and I don't know that they are in the pizza, I eat the pizza and the mushrooms too! I don't like it if vegetable burgers and meat burgers are grilled on the same apparatus. It makes me sick. But if I don't know that vegetable burgers and meat burgers are grilled on the same plate or fried in the same oil, I eat them all right! I like Subway Sandwich. But they make all kinds of sandwiches on the same counter... a beef sandwich followed by my vegetable sandwich. And yes, they use the same knife to cut both sandwiches which makes me uneasy. But if I turn my back the other way and I don't see them making it, I am fine and consume my sandwich with relish!!"
And yes, I am this strict vegetarian... in case you had any doubts. I will be eating "grilled cheese" for an entire month in America and will be extra cautious to have my eyes averted and not face the kitchen or any cooking area!
Why does the vegetarian tie himself in knots so much? Can't he be normal like the rest of them!? His motto is simple. "Jitam sarvam... jitey rasey"- (the one who conquers his tongue, conquers everything!")
Geeeeez.!.....that's a mouthful!!
Next stop... In N Out Burger. Cheeseburger was on the menu. "I would like to have a Cheeseburger," I began cautiously, "I hope it has no meat!" This attendant was well informed. "Sir, anything which says burger has meat. Period." "How about some bun with tomato and lettuce?" I asked. "Yes, that would be a grilled-cheese. That has no meat". I settled for that... not one... but two- since it appeared to be the only option!
I have no doubt. Soon, the vegetarian will be just as extinct as the animals!! A vegetarian is a general nuisance.. both to himself and to society at large. Paranoia dogs him, though he is no dog eater! Plus, he has a doctrine which he cannot consistently follow in today's time and age. He fears that this dog-eat-dog world is out to get him, by feeding him what he shouldn't eat.
One is inclined to feel that vegetarianism is possibly on the rise, going by the numerous articles against red-meat. But vegetarianism of this kind is entirely different. Mostly, it is a preference to stay away from red-meat or other forms of meat by abstaining for a particular meal or for a specific length of time. It does not have the dogged, missionary zeal with which the "strict vegetarian" tries to restrict his menu- often to the point of self mortification!!
But here's how strict.... a "strict vegetarian" is. (To be read with that halting Indian accent that Hollywood chooses to portray Indians!) "I don't eat eggs, but yes, I do eat cake! I mostly eat eggless cake. But if I don't know it is egg-cake, I do eat egg-cake! I don't eat mushrooms, but if mushrooms are in a pizza and I don't know that they are in the pizza, I eat the pizza and the mushrooms too! I don't like it if vegetable burgers and meat burgers are grilled on the same apparatus. It makes me sick. But if I don't know that vegetable burgers and meat burgers are grilled on the same plate or fried in the same oil, I eat them all right! I like Subway Sandwich. But they make all kinds of sandwiches on the same counter... a beef sandwich followed by my vegetable sandwich. And yes, they use the same knife to cut both sandwiches which makes me uneasy. But if I turn my back the other way and I don't see them making it, I am fine and consume my sandwich with relish!!"
And yes, I am this strict vegetarian... in case you had any doubts. I will be eating "grilled cheese" for an entire month in America and will be extra cautious to have my eyes averted and not face the kitchen or any cooking area!
Why does the vegetarian tie himself in knots so much? Can't he be normal like the rest of them!? His motto is simple. "Jitam sarvam... jitey rasey"- (the one who conquers his tongue, conquers everything!")
Geeeeez.!.....that's a mouthful!!
No comments:
Post a Comment