Wednesday 1 August 2012

Continental breakfast

The term "continental breakfast" at these hotels always confuses me. Why would it be called "continental"? After all, one hopes that every breakfast is going to be served and eaten on some continent.... unless of course, you're adrift on a ship!! Are breakfasts on a ship called "oceanic breakfast" to keep the nomenclature uniform and consistent? Anyway, "oceanic breakfast" would mean a lot of sea-food and that wouldn't exactly be my cup of tea.

So, here I am... stuck with continental breakfast for the last one month- no crisp butter dosas, no steaming idlis floating in spicy sambar, no bread pakodas sumptuously doused in pudina chutney, no upma, no poha, no pongal, no kesari bath, no khara bath, not even chow-chow bath!

I should acknowledge that coming from India, I've grown up with a complex. I always feel  that I am going to be "short changed" by someone or the other. I fear that that foodie with his mountainous appetite will gobble up the entire breakfast and leave me high and dry when it's my turn.... or perhaps, the milk is in short supply and will run out... or may be, the donuts will all be eaten and leave me with some tasteless wheat bread.
The other issue that's I've grown up with is the necessity to plan for a rainy day.... leave alone Plan B, I need a Plan Z if all plans from A to Y fail! 
And yes, if anything is "free", I need it and I will grab it- I don't care that I am totally bald, if a shampoo comes for free, why not!?

It's essentially a problem of paucity of resources- it make us the fierce competitors that we are, in every field, including consuming continental breakfast! But America is a land of plenty where milk and honey flows- at least during continental breakfast time, but it's tough to mend quirks and oddities acquired over the years.

If there's just one pastry standing on the counter, the urge is simply irresistible- I don't mind reaching over someones shoulders, even it means.. brushing his ear ....and with one swoop of an elephant's trunk..snatch it and pocket it...just when the other candidate's fingers are inches away from the priced possession! There is a Mr Bean like impish delight in the act; a trifle impolite though it may surely be.

The milk cartons are neatly stacked in a glass case on the lower shelf. At times, I don't have a choice- especially when the cartons are few. I have to crouch, reach between someones legs who is also at the same counter, have him jump and squeal in absolute shock....and mumble, "Sorry! I was just trying to reach out for the milk cartons- I need one for breakfast, another for my afternoon coffee and one for the night. I don't get sleep without milk you see!"

When it comes to "cheerios", yes, I made a hash of it the other day. It's not exactly my fault. They are stored in cups and sealed with the most stubborn lid..which when it finally gave way.... exploded and scattered all over the breakfast floor.. in a torrential rain of tiny cereal! It's always prudent to make a quick getaway at these times- you don't want to suddenly be an object of singular attention and look absolutely silly and shamefaced!

The ketchup sachets are particularly frustrating. There's no easy way to rip them open. Others seem to have it so easy... possibly, their packets are less obstinate or may be they have sharper nails- which wouldn't be hygienic of course. In India, we use our teeth- we open even Coca Cola bottles that way. The only hazard with this approach... when it comes to the ketchup sachet... is the plastic bit which is now stuck in your mouth!
In India, with nonchalance, you simply spit it out... wherever you are. In the US, you need to be more discreet. Obviously, you can't swallow plastic- it is not bio-degradable. You can't dash out of the breakfast room either... that too with plastic in your mouth and a dash of ketchup across your cheek! The only recourse is to break into a sudden paroxysm of whooping cough...have your mouth well covered with your fist...and hope that the plastic bit also is also blown out...silently and unobtrusively!
Life is essentially..... simple!

Just when I was racked with remorse for some of my questionable acts, I was a tad relieved.  The caretaker brought this bunch of bananas and placed them in the fruit bowl. It was refreshing to find another enterprising candidate who seemed to borrow a leaf from my book. In a trice, he pinched it... the *entire* bunch.. and dashed out, much to the horror of the others around. I understand him.After all, continental breakfast is the only meal that the hotel provides.
What do they expect us to eat the rest of the day!?




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