Being a cheetah in India !

(For the reader who is unfamiliar with the context, or is reading this article at a point in time when the context is lost, here is a little introduction. Indian cheetahs were declared extinct in 1952. Since then, there are no cheetahs in the wild in India. As we speak, 8 cheetahs were imported from Namibia and released in a forest in Madhya Pradesh. This event has become prime-time news. We know of no previous occasion when an animal got so much publicity!)

It is not easy to be a cheetah in India. You are literally on a catwalk with a billion eyes watching you! For the cheetahs who lived nondescript lives in Namibia, it is instant stardom! It must be unnerving when the expectations run so sky-high!

When you go to a foreign country, you are initially plagued with jet-lag issues. Spare a thought for these cheetahs. Their body clock is tuned to a different longitude. By the time they wake up, all groggy, it is already noon in India. The animals they feed on, have long left the waterhole, and are taking an afternoon snooze! In addition to time-related issues, the cheetahs are from the Southern hemisphere. When it is winter there, it is summer in India. Their circadian rhythms must be so messed up.

And then comes the added pressure to fit into their adopted homeland. When you go to the West, you do everything- even change your name to conform to the new place. “Neelakanthan” in India becomes “Neil”. Cheetahs must be going through a similar identity crisis. We are told the Cheetahs are named “Alton” and “Freddy”. Those names are not going to work here. They will have to adopt a poly-syllabic name of Indian origin!

Homesickness is the first thing that hits you when you go abroad. You long for the sights and sounds that are familiar. You have half a mind to reverse your decision and head back home. We hear stories of cows that walk several miles to return to their original cowshed even after they are sold to a new owner. Cheetahs must be going through that phase. They would have already made rough calculations- they are 8000 km away from home. A hop, skip and jump over the Khyber Pass, onto the Middle East and then to Egypt, followed by a run down the African continent! Who knows? The Cheetah is after all the fastest land animal!

For a non-Indian, Indian food is too spicy. Cheetahs may feed on deer, but the deer in turn has fed on homegrown, masala-laden aaloo-tikki! It takes time to adjust to the new cuisine.

The cheetahs have hogged the headlines so much that Indian animals are naturally disgruntled! The cheetah’s cousin- the leopard and Indian tiger sulk in a corner. As we say in Hindi, “ghar ki murgi daal baraabar”, we completely ignore the riches at home! Desi animals believe that the obsession with the cheetah is because of its skin-tone and India's post-colonial hangover! African elephants languishing in Indian zoos are equally miffed. They are still on visitor’s visa, whereas the cheetah got Indian citizenship so quickly!

Life is surely unfair!

(The article is over since we have reached 450 words. Like some films that are released with alternate endings, I had a different ending in mind initially. From the viewpoint of the cheetah, it does not get more scary. Imagine being uprooted from home and abandoned in a forest. Where do you go? Whom did you leave behind at home? Where will you search for them? As Mahakavi Bhaarati says in his poem, "Dhikku theriyaadha kaattil, unnai thedi thedi ilaithene".....In this trackless forest..."dhikku-dishai theriyaamal" as we say, I searched for You....hither and thither...and am now....totally worn out. The cheetah's feelings must be similar.)