The snorer

The snorer enjoys sound sleep. It is the rest of us who are vexed with his sound! Snorers come in various flavors. In his simplest form, the snorer is like a metronome. The pitch and volume stay the same. He simply breathes audibly. Once you get used to him, he is no menace.

The second snorer is a variant of the first kind. His is a one-way traffic. You can hear the sonorous sound as he draws the breath inwards, like a syringe filling up. On the way out, the sound is muted. He blows out air in one puff through the mouth!

Some snorers are great whistlers. You hear the gurgle of the snore, followed by a high-pitched whistle. You wonder how he can whistle even when asleep. The curiosity keeps you awake, as you scrutinize his mouth- how it is held in a little pout!

And then, there is the snorer who builds the tempo step by step. The initial snore is at the lowest octave. Each succeeding snore is at the next higher pitch. You can hear the snore ascending to a crescendo. You wonder what is going to happen next! The end is in an anti-climax. After hitting the highest note, the snorer gasps, wakes himself up, turns the side of the body, and starts once more from the lowest octave. This pattern continues.

The problem gets compounded when the snorer is also a sleep talker! A snorer cannot talk coherently. He is like a drunkard who slurs over the words- now pleading and now threatening.

As if this is not scary enough, there is another brand of snorers who snore and intermittently produce animal sounds like a wolf. It is exactly a wolverine that looks at the full moon and howls! The mind is filled with images from horror films, packs of wolverines running with protruding canines. With the wolverine around, sleep is out of question!  But never make the mistake of waking up this snorer. It is 3 am in the night, and your nerves are jangled. The moment you wake up this snorer, he shrieks and scares the daylights out of you! You scream back in fright. The ping pong continues, each one scaring the other. The night cannot be more nightmarish!

And then, there is the snorer who is a blustering steam engine. He generates a resounding volume- you are 5 rooms away, and you can still hear him!

The sun is finally out. Your eyes are red as you have not slept a wink. You confront the snorer- “You snore so much. I couldn’t sleep all night”. He simply says, “Did I?” and walks away, leaving you high and dry!

The snorer is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde- a gentle deer by the day and a snarling wolverine at night!