Styles of footpath walkers!

When you think of a walker, you imagine Dilip Kumar- strolling past woods and glades singing- “suhaanaa safar aur ye mausam haseen!” The “dreamer” is a footpath walker exactly like him- happiness is writ large on the face. He is a rare species alright, but you cannot miss him. There is a song on his lips and a spring in his steps. Clearly, he is in his own dream world- a free spirit, sauntering down the footpath for no apparent rhyme or reason!

The “thinker” follows a different walking style. He clasps his hands at the back. The gait is measured, the eyebrows are knitted, and the head is held at an upward tilt. He is pondering over something overly serious- maybe the density at the center of a blackhole. Our footpaths are notorious minefields- strewn with obstacles that defy enumeration- from cow-dung to open trenches. Thinking about a blackhole, our friend may soon find himself in one, if he is not alert.

This is the age of multitasking. The “multi-tasker” does a lot simultaneously, as though he is an “ashtaavadhaani” of sorts.  As he walks on the footpath, he carries on a conversation on the mobile and watches memes, all at the same time. With his head lowered and glued to the mobile, he is oblivious to his surroundings. The onus is entirely on you to get out of harm’s way. And if you have two such absent-minded “multi-taskers” walking in opposite directions, well, it is perfect recipe for imminent disaster!

The speed of the walk must be carefully calibrated on the footpath. You are walking at a certain pace, singing “suhaanaa safar”, only to find the song and step abruptly come to a halt. In front, is a person walking at a snail’s pace. Our footpaths are mostly single-lane paths- not wide enough for you to overtake and move on. You are stuck to the same track, with little choice but to follow.

If the person is from the opposite gender, the mind goes into a tailspin. Is it ok to follow? Are you following too close? Is she going to turn back and slap you? The last thing you want- is to be pulled up by the moral police for stalking. However, it is not easy to slow down your pace, especially if you have a long foot span.  In slowing down, you must walk with your knees bent, much like a burglar on the prowl. That would bring the police behind you even faster!

Faced with this crisis, you look for an exit strategy. Once the traffic by the side of the road eases, like a tearaway train at a crossing, you take matters into your own hands (rather to your own feet). You get onto the road, double up your speed, pass the snail, and get back onto the footpath. That done, you heave a sigh of relief and break into “suhaanaa safar” once more!

Sometimes, you are on a sticky wicket. You are walking on the footpath. So is the person from the opposite side. You swerve to the left. He follows you. You swerve to the right. He follows you. It’s as if his limbs are tied to yours by an unseen umbilical cord, and try as you might, you cannot avoid him. Both feel equally sheepish, helplessly trying to dodge past the other. You screech to a halt, inches away from a full, frontal collision!

Couples, after their first year of marriage, cannot walk together on the same footpath. Invariably, the man walks miles ahead of the lady. After he has reached the next set of traffic lights, he looks back, spots the wife trailing, and mumbles in irritation. That done, he waits not, but continues to surge ahead, towards the next set of traffic lights.

Some walkers cover the entire width of the footpath, as though the footpath is their grandfather’s property.  You can’t blame this walker; he is built that way. Years of pumping iron at the gymnasium, has given him a chiseled body. Frequent gym-exercisers have an anatomical problem- their arms don’t hang down like the rest of us. They are stretched out, as though they are stricken with a boil under their armpits. Our friend walks with a swagger, with his arms spread out, like Ghatotkacha doing the rounds. In the process, he covers the entire breadth of the footpath. How are you going to pass him? The only solution is to shrink into a foetus posture, squeeze yourself between his arm and body, and bolt ahead.

Once past him, the relief is immense, and you can continue with your favorite song- “suhaanaa safar aur ye mausam haseen!”