Wedding gifts!

In the days of yore, a wedding gift was simple. You took a standard, white, postal envelope and inserted a 100 rupee note. That done, a shiny, one-rupee coin was added, taking care that the coin did not fall off the envelope. Rs 101 was the standardized wedding gift since time immemorial. You made sure that along with the congratulatory note to the couple, (a standardized template that said- “with best wishes”), you clearly indicated the name of the donor. That detail was important.

A key aspect in any Indian wedding was a sincere accountant. Like the divine statistician Chitragupta, he diligently jotted down the name of the donor and the amount of the wedding gift in a diary. The diary was carefully preserved. At the next wedding, this time in the donor’s family, the exact amount was tendered as his wedding gift. Inflation and the like, was clearly unknown. This mutual give-and-take, accurate to the penny, ensured you stayed rooted to the dictum- “Neither a borrower nor a lender be!” As time moved on, there was only one change- Rs 101 was replaced with Rs 501, in keeping with the new times, and yes, inflation too.

In modern times, a cash gift is considered crass and inelegant. It is a different matter that cash is king, and the best gift. However, now that cash has fallen out of favor, the gift must be in kind. It is here that we hit a roadblock. What do you buy? If it is jewelry, the bride’s tastes may not match yours. You explore other alternatives- electronic gadgets, electronic shaver, beard-trimmer, culinary appliances, crockery, curtains, and other artefacts.

A safe bet is a framed picture of Lord Ganesha. After all, who does not like Ganesha? It is the perfect start to a new home. With other deities, there is a scope for worry- it depends on the couples’ religious leaning. With Ganesha, there are no such concerns. The problem is- after the wedding, the couple could be stranded with over 30 versions of Ganesha- enough to set up a Ganesha showroom! What do you do now?

Another confusing aspect in a modern Indian wedding is this vital point- when should you give the gift to the couple? Once “maangalya dhaaranam” ceremony is over, there is a mad rush. People jump onto the stage in droves, jumping over the priest and all else, to congratulate the couple and hand over the wedding-gift. The groom and the bride are clueless- their hands are full, with gifts thrust from all directions. If ever there was a “best man/woman” in a wedding, his services are urgently required now- at least to free up the couple from the overflowing barrage of gifts and stash them away for safe keeping.

That done, the guests make a beeline for lunch. It’s as if, their patience has completely run out. Since 7 in the morning, they have watched the endless rituals, and they have had enough of it. The irony is- the present juncture in the wedding, is hardly the time to hand over the gift. Even the Indian court has decreed recently, that until the “saptapadi” around the sacred fire is completed, the marriage is null and void. Evidently, such intricate details are yet to filter down into popular Indian consciousness.

American weddings (read American-American weddings, not Indian weddings held in America) follow a different format when it comes to wedding-gifts. The couple sit together and create an elaborate list of items that they need in their married life. These gifts cover the entire spectrum- from home appliances right down to a kitchen spoon.  The price of each item is mentioned alongside. That done, the list is advertised online to the world at large. Each guest chooses the item in keeping with his budget. Once a particular guest has made the selection, that item is out of bounds for other guests.

Looking at this, the Indian mind is all confused. By the time he makes sense of all this, very few items are left standing in the gift-list. He must now choose between a car (this gift has no takers yet) and a bathing towel. He goes for the towel. He shakes his head in absolute bewilderment, “This is the first time, I gifted a bathing towel as a wedding gift!”

A gift from someone, should not be over analyzed and dissected. Only the intent matters, they say. We have the quote- “Thou shalt not look at a gift-horse in the mouth!” In the American wedding, there is no scope for this adage at all. After all, this horse was specially ordered, along with the number of teeth it has!