Online behavioral study!

When it comes to quirky online behavior, we are all equally culpable. After all, we do in Rome as Romans do.

It all begins in the social media groups we are part of. There are more groups than we can handle: “when-we-were-in-kindergarten” group, “when-we-were-in-high-school” group, college group, past work-place groups, current work-place group, apartment-group, extended-family-group, immediate-family group and “your-college-going-child’s-parent” group. You never join any group. Someone adds you, and all of a sudden, you are swimming in it. You cannot exit a group. It will dent your social image.

The groups are many, but the behavior is the same. It is tough to generate content to keep these groups going. After the initial euphoria of enthusiastic exchanges wears off, there is dead silence. The lull is broken only when someone types, “Happy birthday Rajesh”. The group gets a new lease of life. Each one replies, “Happy birthday Rajesh”.  Rajesh replies, “Thank you!” and with a “smiley” emoji. The “smiley” emoji is met with a matching “smiley” rejoinder.  As each message appears, your cellphone beeps. Each time you check, you see one more “happy birthday”, one more “thank you” and two more smileys. This goes on for most part of the day and the next, until everyone has vented out, or thankfully, run out of steam.

At times, there is a twist to the tale. Rajesh responds, “It is not my birthday today!” Now, there are emoji responses- the-laughing-face-with tears-trickling-out emoji. For that emoji, we have reply-emojis and for the reply-emoji, we have reply-reply-emojis, that extends ad infinitum. Silence reigns once more, until the next happy-birthday exchange is triggered. And yes, this repeats in each group that you are a part of.

Sometimes, you join a live program virtually, with an audience spread across the globe. Well before the program starts, the chat-session is already hyper-active. Someone types “Hello from Sydney” with a bunch of emojis. This is responded with “Hi from Los Angeles”. There are more and more hellos- from London, from Paris, and from every blessed place. At least with the previous group, you knew the number of people. Here, there is no end in sight. The cynic in you toys with the idea- why not add some exotic Indian places? Afterall, we have no dearth of places, that too, with poly-syllabic names.  How about “Hello from Koliwada”, “Hello from Chunabhatti”, “Hello from Gangai-konda-chola-puram”, “Hello from Venkata-narasimha-raju-vari-petta”! Why not?

If it is religious program, each person makes it point to type “pranams” followed by a bunch of “namaste” emojis. The chat keeps scrolling, with more pranams and more namastes. Hopefully, someone is reading and blessing these folks. If it is a musical program, well before the artiste has begun, there are already congratulatory messages- “Way to go!”, “proud of you”, “kudos”, “lots of love” and a bunch of heart emojis.  

The music concert is now in progress. The chat-scroll continues unabated. Someone types, “great Kalyani raaga”. Another responds- “mellifluous Kalyani” and third says, “out of the world Kalyani”. After 100 such adulatory remarks on Kalyani have scrolled up, the 101st person types, “Dudes- that’s not Kalyani. That’s the raaga Lataangi”. The chat-scroll knows no embarrassment. It responds with a flurry of namaste emojis for the informed music critic in their midst. The parallel chat-show must go on and on, regardless of the main program. It’s like sitting in a concert hall with the din of crosstalk and market-place chatter all around. And yes, you came to hear sublime music.

Sometimes, a tall leader passes away and the group must express its condolence. Someone types “Rest In Peace”. Others don’t have so much time. They simply type “RIP”. The whole group is filled with RIP and more RIP. If the dead could come back alive, he would have knocked each one on the head, nice and hard- “Yes, yes, I will rest, provided you allow me!” Some have no time for even RIP. They respond with the “sad/teary” emoji. At least with typed lines, you cannot go wrong. Emoji selection can be deadly. Someone accidentally selects the “smiley” emoji, that too multiple smileys! Only towards the end of the day, he goes back to the group to realize his blunder. By then, he has been trolled, flamed and roasted for his insensitivity. How does he make up now? No problem! Delete your post, sprinkle some namaste emojis, and now, all is well, with you and the world at large.

How would Shakespeare have reacted to current online behavior? Perhaps, his famous quote was meant for today’s time and age. “O Judgement! Thou art fled to brutish beasts and men have lost their reason!” The exasperation sums it up. Truly, we have lost our reason!