Kumbakonam degree coffee!

When you drive from Bangalore to Chennai, you cannot miss the advertisement boards along the highway. Among them, the standout is the advertisement for “Kumbakonam degree coffee”!  At almost every kilometer, a shop screams out “Kumbakonam degree coffee”. The more you notice, the more, it seems to multiply.

You wonder what this “Kumbakonam degree coffee” is all about. Is it some degrees of comparison in coffee- good coffee, better coffee and perhaps, the superlative degree in coffee is “kumbakonam degree”? Or maybe, all the varieties of coffee attended the university. And the eventual degree was conferred only upon this Kumbakonam variant? A coffee lover is like a drunkard- his freewill succumbs to coffee helplessly.

I took a sudden “U turn” on the Bangalore to Chennai highway. “What are you doing?” my family was alarmed. “We are going to have Kumbakonam degree coffee at Kumbakonam! Who wants to have these highway imitation coffees pretending to be Kumbakonam degree? They are all fakes, I say! I am certain Kumbakonam degree coffee is best served at Kumbakonam!”

On the way to Kumbakonam, the billboards marketed the same coffee brand by the roadside. The tongue was already salivating, imagining how heavenly the coffee would be! “Only 10 more kilometers to Kumbakonam degree coffee! We are almost there!” I pressed on the accelerator with redoubled excitement.

As we entered the precincts of Kumbakonam town, suddenly, “Kumbakonam degree coffee” advertisements went missing. “Where did it go? Just a kilometer back, we read the sign board, and now, it’s gone!” Irritation and anger welled up, the kind- when you follow Google maps, and it takes you to a dead-end! The anti-climax was total. After driving through the town aimlessly, we eventually stopped at a restaurant, all tired and worn out.

The menu card at the restaurant mentioned “coffee”.  I summoned the restaurant manager, “Where can I get Kumbakonam degree coffee? Looks like, you serve only coffee!” He smiled patronizingly and asked, “Sir, where are you from?” His response stoked my anger. “How does it matter where I am from? I may be from Mars or Jupiter. Just tell me where I can get Kumbakonam degree coffee!” The manager patiently replied, “Sir, the coffee we serve, is Kumbakonam degree coffee!” I shot back, “Then, why have you written “coffee” in the menu? Do you think I am a fool to drive 400 km just to have ordinary coffee?”

The conversation went nowhere. We ordered the coffee. While sipping the coffee, my eyes scanned the other entries in the menu. One of them said “Bombay halwa”. This was too much. We had come all the way to Kumbakonam for coffee, and here, he was marketing “Bombay halwa”. Was it a joke?

You got it right. We changed the direction of our travel towards Bombay, in search of “Bombay halwa”. And guess what? The exact sequence repeated. There was “Bombay halwa” in every restaurant, all along, till we reached Bombay. And now that we were in Bombay, it was gone, there was only ordinary “halwa”! To make matters worse, the Bombay restauranteur asked the same question, “Where are you from?”

While savoring halwa at the Bombay restaurant, the menu card carried the item- “Mysore Bonda!” This was stretching it too far. It looked as though the entire country, and its restaurants were conspiring to send you on a wild goose chase.

We did reach Mysore. It sent me towards “Bangarpet chaat”. And once at Bangarpet, it redirected me to “Madurai jigarthanda”. And once in Madurai, I was dispatched unceremoniously to try out “Agra ka petha”. And from Agra, I took the route towards “Meerut ki revdi”. And from Meerut, never mind….

It was a lot like that book you borrowed from the library. It had hand-written notes at the bottom of the page. Page 20 said “Turn to page 75”. At page 75, it said, “Go to page 10”. I know it is a trick, still, I am compelled to see what happens in the end.

Yes, I am on the road towards my next destination. As they say in Tamil, “payanangaL mudivathillai !” The journey never ends……